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Article: Near Death Experiences...A Sunderland Fan Abroad

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Nads, Jul 14, 2011.

  1. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    ...Just had one.

    Funny tale, so i've nipped along to Marbella to put some cash in the bank, got stuck in a wee bit traffic on the way out so thought i'd have a cheeky tab (Yes, smoking kills i know this...)

    Anyway, i have a petrol lighter, which had ran out, but handily, i had a tin of fuel in the glove box of the car (Subconsciously planning an arson attack??), so i filled it up whilst edging along, some ran down the side, so not wanting to rub fuel on my Ralph Lauren shorts, i gave it a quick wipe on me sock...

    Traffic clears, and off i toodle onto the 'Autovia De Meditteraneo', also known as the most dangerous stretch of motorway in Europe, stretches right along the Andalucian coast and beyond.

    Once settled in the outside lane, i chose that moment to light aforementioned tab, leaning down a wee bit so as to avoid the draft from the window, when WHOOOSH!

    Yep, me socks on fire, i'm doinf 135kmh in the outside lane of the mororway, with a sock on fire.... (Smoking kills quicker than you might think...)

    Cue a dramatic screech across 2 lanes and into bus stop next to Rosario, where several locals howled at the Englishman frantically removing the burning sock, and launching it.

    I am now the proud owner of a hairless lower right leg, and a rather fetching red design which is not disimilar in appearance to the outline of Russia, and a car that smells like burned hair and fear......

    Don't try this at home kids!

    Soooo, anyone else got any near death experiences to share??
     
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  2. FlagFlyingHigh

    FlagFlyingHigh Active Member

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    Your living in Marbella and your wearing socks??!!!! Neeee sympathy for you mate ... how hot is it?? ;)
     
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  3. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    Ha, it's 29 degrees.

    I must explain though, that i always wear trainer socks to drive, as i don't like the sensation of my feet sweating and then air-con blowing on them, i'm sure you know what i mean, it feels hideous!
     
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  4. Disco

    Disco Guest

    Burnt hair and fear... If ever I was to write a book about an old relationship of mine you just gave me a title.

    Anyone know York at all? I fell down the steps (every single one of them) of Cliffords tower when I was a teen and somehow got away with a broken nose.

    Incase anyone's interested...
    please log in to view this image
     
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  5. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    We did a roll down the hill there on me mates stag a few years back, not recommended after 4 hours on the curlers in the sun..

    There were some green faces about after, i can tell ya!

    Certainly avoid the steps, they are STEEP!
     
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  6. Disco

    Disco Guest

    Yeah I was a fairly handsome boy. Now I'm a bloke with a funny looking nose.
     
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  7. Steven Royston O'Neill

    Steven Royston O'Neill Well-Known Member

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    BB, socks ffs. I'm 62 living in Coxhoe and I never ever wear socks, dont tell me, open toe sandles
     
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  8. Disco

    Disco Guest

    Yeah but Syd... You're like Jesus.

    BB is more like Forrest Gump
     
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  9. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    No mate, i always wear trainers to drive, i can't drive in flip flops etc, it feels weird, hence socks, to stop feet sweating, then freezing under air con!
     
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  10. Wherewereyou

    Wherewereyou Guest

    My experience is that I was just walking along the road here in Spain and some **** threw a burning sock on me head. Managed to put it out before it killed me.
     
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  11. marcusblackcat

    marcusblackcat SAFC Sheriff
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    Only "NEar death" i've ever had was driving on the A167 near the red lion just outside Pity Me - The Kimblesworth Turn off is on a sweeping bend and I was overtaking a couple of cars which were in the left hand lane and I notice some random waving at the side of the road.. I check my mirror and indicate to pull over whilst travelling around this sweeping bend...

    I look back at the road from the mirror and, doing approx 70mph, see a honda civic "parked" facing me in the outside lane of the dual carriageway...

    Needless to say I tried to swerve to avoid it but caught the car almost in the middle on the drivers side - at this point the entire world (in my mind) stopped and I sat and watched my car, with me driving, take off from the road, bounce twice and hit the lamp-post before the bus stop about 6 foot up...

    I was unconscious in shock for about 3 minutes then came round and walked away - terrifying - ended up with a burn on my hand and badly bruise shoulder and ribs off the seatbelt... Otherwise I was a lucky bastard!!
     
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  12. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>

    Fair play mate, that made me laugh out loud.

    I didn't even consider the consequences, they have them mad planes out at the minute dropping water to stop forest fires etc, and here's me launching burning socks about, haha.

    Wouldn't care, i NEVER usually smoke in the ****ing car.
     
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  13. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    Honda Civic.

    You just know it was a ****ing 70 year old driving the twat....

    Had a couple of smashes in my youth like, once spit a Citroen AX GT almost in half along next to the Regal Stadium, took out a road sign on the approach to the roundabout at The Fairway (The road sign was never replaced, and in the wet cement to fill the holes, i wrote Scott did this, Aug '97, still there last time i looked!).

    My car insurance went up to nearly 4k as a result, ouch.
     
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  14. FlagFlyingHigh

    FlagFlyingHigh Active Member

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    Only a matter of time before the sock police pull you over and give you a stern talking to!
     
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  15. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    You haven't seen the fashion sense of the locals, clearly.
     
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  16. FlagFlyingHigh

    FlagFlyingHigh Active Member

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    Is it bad??
     
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  17. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    It's not great...

    Mind, Marbella itself is pretty standard, so's Banus, but we live in Elviria, so there's a canny few Spaniards about, they are about 50% normal, and the other 50% are either colour blind, or got dressed in the mid eighties..
     
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  18. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Well it's good that you are still here to tell the tale marra..<ok>..
    However, I must sat that in my opinion smoking whilst driving a car should be banned, because it is surely even more dangerous than using a mobile phone which is dangerous enough.
     
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  19. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    I do agree mate, and it's much worse in a left hand drive car, as i'm right handed.
     
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  20. Wherewereyou

    Wherewereyou Guest

    Specially if you stick the tab in your lughole.
     
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