Right. Here we go then. It was a mate's funeral - only 51. His brother is an even closer pal and his parents are lovely people. Steve was a good lad, but an utter pisshead. The family are very well known around Latchford and Steve known all around Warrington. All big Reds as well, including the grandchildren. The funeral was at Warrington parish church, which boasts a famous spire. The burial was up in Appleton and the wake (call it what you will) was at the Cheese, of course. It's a big church (will be a cathedral if Warrington ever achieves city status) and although it wasn't full, there were well over a hundred people there. It was a broad cross-section, but there was a considerable proportion of very dodgy ****ers, including 'One Punch Jarv' - no prizes The weather was ****e, but that wasn't why I didn't go to the burial. I think that's a family thing, unless its a very close friend (count them on one hand). Plus it's a hell of walk from the car park to the burial site. I went back to the Cheese with Johnny Jenks (Neil Young gig and Party in the Park oppo), Barbara, Bakky Dave and Denice. There were a few already there. It was open for 10.40 am. Jenks and me are the main protagonists for whinging when someone puts **** on the jukey. Denice gave him £3 and told him to put some good music on. Let's say her tastes are not really too much in tune with his his or mine, but because it was a funeral, he couldn't be putting Neil Young, Hendrix, The Allman Brothers and Steely Dan on. Instead, his first two tracks were Neil ****ing Diamond, followed by Petula Clark (Denice's fave). The **** he got from me, Dave and others was ****ing merciless, but all in good fun. There was only officially Denice on behind the bar. A couple of others stepped in to help, but at times it was a ****ing honesty bar 20 people in there and the place feels full. Imagine somewhere around a hundred in there It was pissing down outside, so the beer garden and the front 'patio' were out of the frame. You had to keep hold of your glass and have someone guard your bar stool at all times when smoking or pissing. There was this mad Scouse woman there. mid to late 30s and pretty fit, but on the face of it, a ****ing nutter. She was sitting out in the smoking area. I went and joined her and her older friend, Shiela. Danielle was from Tuebrook, Sheila from Kenny and me from Scotty. Sheila was the manager at the Park at one time, so we had a great time talking about funny **** at the pub. She also used to own the Highwayman in Warrington, which isn't there now, but it was as rough as **** back in the day. Sheila was older than Danielle and the make-up had been put on with a trowel, but she's got a decent body. I might be seeing her again.............. Amazingly, by the time I left at 3.30 pm, there hadn't been any kick-offs, mercifully. However, I didn't go back in the evening, so I've no ****ing idea what happened afterwards. So not what you all really expected, but it was very enjoyable and a ****ing good send off for the lad. There may be a further update after I've been there after work tonight PS You had to be there
So basically this epic tale, involves you being too lazy to walk to your mates burial site, someone putting some **** tunes on the jukebox and you then staying in the alehouse for 5 hours talking to a couple of ropey auld birds? 1/10 big build up, **** all content. It needed some fighting and an arse fingering
It was a wind! I bet you were all expecting ****ing mayhem It was a top send off, that's the main thing. I hope there was no stupidity later. Thanks for the thoughts, greez
Condolences on your loss. **************************** Crap story, though. I think you need to bring some new scriptwriters in.
For the past couple of years I've been consoling myself with the belief that such a place could only exist in the fevered, drug-fuelled imaginations of the writers of lurid TV dramas. I reckon Paul Abbot would have rejected most of the characterisations as implausible.
I'm sure no such things exist. Having said that, didn't we have someone who threw a tantrum at the last election in order to get elected- saying we needed change, and an injection of youth (oo-er) and how good he'd be at the job? What happened to him, I wonder?
It seems that the generally orderly behaviour continued for the rest of the day and into the night. A proper demonstration of respect. I'm very happily surprised about this
Got in there last night after work. There was some random pissed up bloke at the bar. Three quarter length kecks and Berghaus. He was ranting on that it was his birthday - obviously popular as he was on his own. Banana Bob befriended for a time and then he ****ed off. Guess who copped him next? Started trying to show me photos of his dead bull ****ing terrier (shock horror!). When I showed a distinct lack of interest, he automatically assumed I didn't like dogs Luckily Bakky Dave came in with my new Cheshires and free range, so I was forced to move to the opposite end of the bar. The bloke put some utter ****e on the jukey (Twisted Firestarter) and then started dancing to it. He subsequently bumped into a barstool and fell over it. When he went back to the bat for another drink, he was a little non-plussed when Gaynor told him he'd had enough, emphasising for the thirtieth time that it was his ****ing birthday. Gaynor told him he could go and party elsewhere. Reporter mate coming in tomorrow night, as are the girls. He had quite a good laugh at the Open. On one occasion, Faldo was coming off after completing his round. Apparently he's universally viewed as a **** by the golf reporters. One of them was talking about Faldo, who was wearing the jumper he wore back in 1987 when he won. The reporter said. "That jumper's doing nothing for him. What a prat. The years haven't been very kind to him, judging by his gut in that jumper". A woman came over and (in an American accent) said "I don't like what you're saying about Nick". The reporter said "And I don't like the fact you've butted into a private conversation. I wasn't talking to you". She said " He's a human being and shouldn't be spoken about like that". He said "No, he's a ****. Now be so kind as to **** off and mind your own business". It transpires that the woman was Faldo's girlfriend
yes faldo is universally hated. well before ryder cup debacle but since then "sir" nick is just despised. nobody cares anymore so nobody lost out insulting that bint.
