You've gone and done it now. The greatest love of my life started her career as a nurse. We must have a face-to-face about the talents of the nursing profession
A bit...? It got weird weeks ago. It's like watching your granddad go on the pull despite his wig and teeth not being straight
Own hair. Own teeth. Impressive and functional girth. Urbane. Handsome. Humerous. Slim (now). The father of two beautiful daughters. A born and bred Red. You're just jealous, you East Mids ****pig
SPECIAL UPDATE: You may recall various comments I've made on this thread about Denice's pet dog - Kia the Rottweiler. Kia has bitten a string of punters, family and staff at the Cheese, including Denice herself, her sister, her son, her feller and John Jenks. She's always been alright with me, but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, which wouldn't be very far at all You may also recall that on the last bank holiday, Jenks and I spent the afternoon in the beer garden enjoying the sounds of Steely Dan from the system that Jenks rigged up in the function room. We agreed that we'd listen to some stuff yesterday. It was too cold to sit outside and I had a pre-prepared joint and we're both smokers anyway. Jenks put Ragged Glory on by Neil Young and Crazy Horse and one of the tracks that we were listening to contains the the line 'Dogs that lick and dogs that bite. Hounds that howl through the night'. We decided that it was time for the joint, so we opened the fire escape door and went out onto the ramp leading up from the garden. Kia was out there and before we could do anything, she was up the ramp and standing by us Jenks was none-too-pleased and I can't say I was enjoying it hugely. She then sat on both my feet so I couldn't move, so I thought I'd give her a stroke. She obviously enjoyed this and wouldn't let me stop. Finally, she got up and I set off back inside. She was straight in after me, nearly tripping me up (off the crutches). She finally allowed me to sit down. I was in a chair with a table in front of me and a bench opposite. The dog then jumped onto the bench and then got onto the table. I picked my pint and Jenks' bottle up, so both my hands were full. The dog's head was level with mine and she then commenced licking me all over my face and my neck and I couldn't ****ing move. Jenks then walked back in and she got off the table, lying on the bench opposite me. I put the drinks down and Jenks reached over to pick his bottle up. Kia started growling and baring her teeth at him. Neither of us felt we could move safely, but after a few minutes, Jenks started backing out slowly towards the fire escape. Kia followed him out. She then came back in and got on the ****ing table again, recommencing the slavery licking thing. I eventually had to get up and moved away from the table. The dog got down and went outside again. I opened the door to the room and made my escape. While I was limping down the short flight of stairs back to the pub, I saw Jenks in the beer garden with the dog and gestured that I'd get help I got back to the bar and told Denice she'd better rescue Jenks immediately, which she did. Maybe you had to be there, but it was ****ing nerve-wracking whilst it was going on. Afterwards, we had a ****ing scream laughing about it Any of you lot ever been in a potentially life-threatening situation with an animal of any description?
