Carver Facts

this it's like Tiote facts but equally mind bogglingly stupid declarations of fact about the great one, John Carver.... Well he started it.


Not many people know but Carver won an underwater breathing contest as a young lad with a fish.. True story...

 

Few know, but Carver apparently had a one to one training session with a young Messi and the rest is all history....

 

Carver killed off all the dinosaurs after he was in charge of organising the meals for a week.

Carver brought about the fall of the mighty Roman Empire by making them all play at left back, thus leaving them open to attack down the right flank.

Carver destroyed the Persian Empire after saying they were losing do d battles 'on purpose' and thus causing a great rift in the ranks.

Carver caused the 'Big Bang'due to all the hot air coming out of his mouth combining with his fiery temper and is delusion that he could manage to contain it.

 

It's a little known fact that John Carver is more nimble on his pins than James Brown

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Its a little know fact that BRS is Carver's secret love child and only resents him so much because he won't acknowledge this fact. By the same token I think that Charnley and Rolando may also be related.

 

Carver once knacked Chuck Norris with one hand tied behind his back.

Carver, tried and passed QWOP's cinammon challenge, but wih a 3kg bag...he laughs at such challenges.

Carver once jumped the Grand Canyon on a Raliegh Tomahawk.

 

John Carver is the love-child of Joe F'king Kinnear and Graeme Souness, and they both taught him everything they know.

 

Few know that Carver had an audition as a porn star [I'm the best dick in the business], but failed as he couldn't keep it up. Bit like his coaching career really.........

 

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 3 voicemail's from Carver.

John Carver doesn't sleep - he simply waits.

John Carver CAN believe it's not butter.

 

Jesus Christ was only called that so he had the same initials as the Premier League's best coach.

John Carver brought down the Empire whilst bringing balance to the force, destroyed the Horcruxs, returned the ring, destroyed both Alien & Predator, kicked the ass of Thanus and ate 3 Shredded Wheat all in one morning training session.

 

well i swear hes been telling our lot to get down for months. get down to the championship

 

And ACS thinks Carver is a Sex Machine.

 

Rate he's going he'll be 'Down and out in Newcastle'

 

So long as he doesn't "shake his money maker" he can think what he wants for me.

 

rumour has it that the lyric 'get down....with my girlfriend...that aint right' was written because of pardews sleazy antics

 

And James Brown wrote "Get up offa dat but plug" especially for 'funky' Bri Funky Dick.