Bob Monkhouse and his then partner Denis Goodwin went to the USA to write jokes for Jack Benny. True story. Jack offered them 25 dollars a joke providing it got a laugh and mentioned the Alambra(?) Hotel - he must have had some sort of a deal with them. The joke they wrote for Jack was "I am staying at a dump overlooking the Alambra Hotel - which is better than staying at the Alambra Hotel overlooking the dump I'm staying in". (Very old hat these days). Jack got a laugh with the first part of the joke and a bigger one with the second part. When he came off stage he said to Monkhouse "I know that got TWO laughs but it was ONE joke though" and he paid them only 25 dollars.
Another Monkhouse clip they keep airing at the moment " People laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they aren't laughing now." With Jack Benny it was the timing. He once did a radio sketch where somebody said " Your money or your life". There was a massive pause, unknown on radio. Man repeats " Your money or your life". Another pause. . "I'm thinking about it,".
One of my favourite comedians who, thanks to YouTube I can watch again and again. When he was offered his own show on TV he agreed until the contract was put in front of him and he asked "What about my Radio show team, I don't work without them, they are more than friends they are family". The TV execs replied that they just wanted him and not his 'team'. Jack never said a word and got up and walked out. They came back with a contract including his team. He was a great man. Although he made millions laugh only one person was known to make Jack laugh and that was George Burns. He would not tell the secret until after Jack died. George said that he could make Jack laugh by planting the idea of a joke to him so that he could envisage the outcome and told the story of both Jack and his wife and George and his wife (Gracie Allen) were invited to one of Hollywood's greatest party givers, Edward G Robinson, who was a patron of the arts and always had an important guest to entertain the people he had invited. On this occasion he had as guest one of the worlds most famous opera singers (I think it might have been Maria Callas) and when he asked people to go to the main room Jack, who always liked to be prominent, made a dash for a front seat with George and Gracie sat behind him. As Edward G announced his star attraction George leaned forward and whispered in Jacks ear "You know, it would be very embarrassing if you started laughing when that lady started to sing". Needless to say the lady started to sing and Jack fell apart (he was one of those blokes who really did roll around the floor when he laughed) much to the disgust of Edward G who had him thrown out. Jack rang George the following day and told him that Edward G had banned him for life from any of his parties to which George replied "It could have been worse - it could have been me" and set Jack off laughing uncontrolably again.
My dad was a big fan of Jack Benny and George and Gracie. I remember when I was young and TVwas a marvel him laughing at their shows, a marvellous thing for people who had never had the chance to see them before. If I hear George Burns voice even know I think of my dad sat laughing as George ambled on rolling a cigar around and speaking in that wonderfully warm voice. Edward G Robinson was one of my favourite actors (and the person who said you dirty rat in a movie). A very cultivated bloke. I remember when I first started taking my lad to the pub for a game of pool when he was 14. One day he thought he was going to beat me for the first time but I potted the black. I turned to him and said "You're good kid. But whilst I'm around you'll always be second best" . Of course this Cincinnati Kid reference was completely wastedon him.
If you watch some of those old shows you will be amazed to know that Gracie Allen was considered to be "the best 'straight man' in the business". Her timing was impeccable. When she died George would spend hours sat at her grave talking to her. He wept unashamedly at Jack Benny's funeral. These were the ones who set the yardstick for those to follow. Talking of :"You dirty rat" which, although attributed to James Cagney, he stated at his tribute night that he never ever said that, he said "What I actually said was Judy, Judy, Judy" a crack at Cary Grant who was in the front row and fell off his chair.
Yes, funny how impressionists always did Cary Grant saying "Judy, Judy, Judy" when it was Cagney who they always had as saying "You dirty rat" when he didn't. With all those oldies loved the story of when Al Jolson followed Caruso at a benefit gig and he walked on and uttered his " you ain't heard nothing yet" line.
While Cagney never said, "You dirty rat," here are a few other incorrect quotations. In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said, "Play it again, Sam." His actual words were, "Play it, Sam." And in the Sherlock Holmes stories, Holmes never said, "Elementary, my dear Watson." The closest conversation to it was in The Adventure of the Crooked Man “I have the advantage of knowing your habits, my dear Watson,” said he. “When your round is a short one you walk, and when it is a long one you use a hansom. As I perceive that your boots, although used, are by no means dirty, I cannot doubt that you are at present busy enough to justify the hansom.” “Excellent!” I cried. “Elementary,” said he
The bloke behind me who just shouts "Get it FORWARD!!" all the bleeding time no matter what is happening or who we are playing. He sometimes shouts "TACKLE!!" Like he's watching schoolboy football. Over 3/4 seasons (pass holder) it's getting a tad wearing. I may run amok...
"I didn't know what happiness was until I got married. Then it was too late." Never a truer word spoken
Which isn't you dirty rat, the phrase the impressionists use. It is funny how what an impressionis uses often becomes standard for other ones even though they made it up. Mike Yarwood had Denis Healey saying "silly billy" then everyone did it. Same with Hughie Green, people copied what an impressionist said and it became associated with Green. When championing the right to say one thing people often quote "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" and tribute it to Voltaire but it wasn't him who said it.
No, it was ME about two years ago on the footymad boards. Seriously though it was attributed to an unknown writer who used the expression to describe Voltaire.
