Gunna Be a Long Old Week

I thought it was April fools in the morning, legging up in the afternoon?

 

I'm flying out to Ibiza on Saturday.

I'll be keeping an eye on the bastard pilots mind.

Superstar DJ?

 

I'm off to get our tickets for Palarse today and have a funeral for our friend (a city season passholder in E5) on Wednesdayso a CITY related week really particularly given Allam's antics too

 

I'm quite surprised actually

 

Just taken delivery of a new coffee machine.

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Currently sat, still boxed up, in the kitchen.

Last time I unpacked a delivery (a vacuum cleaner) our lass kicked off. Apparently she was looking forward unpacking it herself.

Which amused me as she never uses the bastard thing.

 

Just bought a new land line phone.

It blocks every number that rings me.

No one can get through.

No one.

Ever.



This is the single greatest improvement to telephonography since Alexander Graham Bell said “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you."


If Watson had have had Caller Blocker none of the ****e that followed would ever have happened.


I don't want loft insulation.

I haven't been missold PPI.

I don't want a windmill on my roof.

I don't want to take part in a Government approved survey.

I haven't won a holiday to Cambodia.

I haven't had an industrial accident because of management's negligence.

You can't buy my pension pot for £3.50.


Bliss. Happiness. Chill. Internal harmony.

And relax.

 

You just aint plugged it in have ya?

 

Surprised about what? The Deep or Harry Potter experience being great?

 

Bit old hat I know, Ernie - but have you got double-glazing?

 

Yes.

And a conservatory.

And a new kitchen.


And I'm honestly not bothered about the plight of squirrels in the Antarctic.

 

You dragging your head from out of theAllams arse long enough to get out of the City boundaries
There you go corrected

 

Loft insulation?

 

More than the recommended 30cm.

 

Ah yes but what about,

Mobile phone insurance
drains insurance
appliance insurance
fraud protection insurance
over 50's insurance
insurance in case you forget to pay your insurance

You can't be too careful...

 

Oooooh a game. Rearrange the words until you can make a sentence?

Hmmm.

Nope, sorry, is it just a random smattering of words?

 

Speaking of windows and doors, who's the new dickhead in the Safestyle UK ads now? He's like Bill Bailey's twin, only a bit spastic and not at all funny. In fact appearance aside, he's the polar opposite of Bill Bailey.

 

put it on www.ratemypoo.com

 

Industrial deafness?

Pardon?

 

Is it nearly time for a game of footy yet? I'm starting to get withdrawal symptoms.