Some great Mock The Week videos on YouTube, always LMAO at Frankie Boyle. Funniest line I've seen though was from Greg Davies (who plays Mr Gilbert in the Inbetweeners) at 2:05 in the clip below [video=youtube;dCEez3_oVGo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCEez3_oVGo[/video]
Reebs, does that not contravene policy regarding nipples? She needs to come around to see me so that I can assess the situation before referring her to my No Win No Fee department.
Have we had these before? These are 12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio (1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!' (2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.' (3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.' 4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.' (5) US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie [ Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! what have I just said??' (6) Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.' (7) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! (8) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.' (9) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.' (10) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.' (11) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.' (12) Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
Madonna reckons that she suffered whiplash. Now she has gone viral: She will be getting loads of calls and texts from the Ambulance chasers. All they have to do is figure out which insurance company covers the Brit Awards so they know who to claim off!
Election Manifesto for the Islamic State Party Join us as we promise you a new age of enlightenment suitable for a brand new Century – the sixth. Our election campaign is being supported by Bill Somebody, who will endorse all our policies if he wants to keep his head. We promise that we will not form any coalitions with Al Qaeda, the SNP or any other parties. We promise that we will legislate so that there will be no TV Election Debates because there will be no elections. Our leader will not be appearing as there is nothing to debate. We promise that there will be no cartoons, especially those depicting the Prophet. We can guarantee all young people a job as they will be building 500,000 new homes for the Jihadist brethren. We are currently clearing some brown field sites for redevelopment. There will be no women candidates in our election campaign as they are second-class citizens who will be expected to keep their place five paces behind their man whilst producing children for the State. Girls, come and join us and experience first-hand the pleasures of life in our State – our campaign office is in sunny Syria. There will be no entry for the Eurovision Song Contest because Europe will be the Islamic State and there will be no contest. Harry Kane will not be making his debut for the Islamic State team as there will be no team. The only individuals that will be found on the roof of the Palace of Westminster will be those that are about to be thrown from it after failing to memorise their Koran texts at the compulsory classes in the chambers below.
Just found this joke from Not606, posted in 2011 by kiwiqpr. A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible!" says the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the RugbyWorld, and not use it? He says, "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married." "Oh . . .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a neighbour, to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
This advert illustrates why I despair at the youth of today (ironically it appears to be targeted at the female market). Guy meets a terrific looking hot babe. They walk back to her place she is giving him the come on in the lift. Once in the door, clothing starts to get loosened. She opens the bedroom door and he does a runner because of her pets. Never mind Airwaves, he is an Airhead. He should have been adding some python to her collection!
Now it is official that our second favourite (after Valentin Zukovsky) Russian, Vladimir Putin, is still alive, so this hysterical rendition of the Russian National Anthem on a visit to Egypt did not cause terminal brain damage:
It sounds like out old friend and 606 stalwart Fluber is alive and well and flying British Airways: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/31908620
Labour announce new Election theme, inspired by a dreadful day at the office for the two Eds on Budget Day: First at PMQs, Ed Balls and Ed Miliband were the butt of all the jokes from the PM about which of his kitchens the Labour leader can be found in. During the Budget speech, Gideon suggests that there will be an investigation into Deeds of Variation being used to avoid Inheritance Tax, mixing it in with a gag about Bands of Brothers. No wonder Miliband’s response was so lame. Then Balls went on the BBC Budget program and made five mentions of his claims of Tory plans to cut NHS spending instead of answering a question about Labour spending plans from Robert Peston or a question from Jo Coburn about a report from the Institute of Fiscal Studies stating that Labour would run the deficit up to £170bn from £90bn. In fifty days time, I think we will all be sick of the following soundbites: Tory: “Long-term economic plan” Labour: “More National Health Service spending”
Had one or two minor 'emergencies' while flying during my business life, but never one like that. Ugggh, how revolting!
