What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Dai, going into my profile to find my surname? Seriously? Are you being bullied? I take no credit for these jokes. Where do fish wash?…In a river basin What do you call a literary fish?…Salmon Rushdie What part of a fish weighs the most?…It’s scales What fish do road-menders use?…Pneumatic krill What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?…A fish tank Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?…Jack the kipper What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?…’Your plaice or mine.
yet more I cannot claim credit for. Why is a fish easy to weigh?…Because it has its own scales What’s the difference between a newspaper and a TV set?…You can’t wrap your fish and chips in a TV set What do naked fish play with?…Bare-a-cudas Why are fish cleverer than humans?…Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human? What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?…He called the piano tuna Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?…Because they have electric ‘eels What day of the week do fish hate?…Frydays What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?…Huckleberry Fin Why are gold fish orange?…The water makes them rusty What will santa bring your fish this christmas?…A scale letrix What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?…Tsardines
I don't need to go into your profile Brian. And no not being bullied, though there is a lot of bull on here lately.
This bloke is wanting to breed sheep but the only male one he has is gay, as sheep are so rare in his area he decides to try and impregnate them himself by taking them to the woods and shagging them all one by one. A local farmer explains to him that he will know his sheep are pregnant once they stop walking around and lay down. The next day the bloke bundles the sheep back into the Land rover and again takes them to the forest and shags them all again, this time he's knackered and as soon as he gets home he falls straight into bed. When he wakes up the next day he dives straight for the window to see if the sheep are lying down....to his dismay they aren't so again he puts the sheep in the car and heads off to the forest. This time he shags them all twice for good luck. When he gets home he is once again knackered so goes straight to bed, in the morning he asks his wife to look out the window and see what the sheep are doing, "That's amazing!" she says. "What are they all laying down?" he asks. "No they're all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the horn!"
Just had a leaflet pushed through my letterbox. It said you can have SEX at 82. I'm quite happy because I live at 55 not far to walk home afterwards.
I was walking down our street last night and sparky said why are you wearing one glove,i replied I saw the weather forecast last night and it said tomorrow will be warm but on the other hand it could be cold.
