The barnsley joke page

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one, "ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
"What 'appened zen?"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burme!'"
"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle, at ze beginning.".

 

elephants dont understand jokes

 

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Did you get that one

 

no, because I have an old boot

 

Not nice to say about mrs Ellie

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

heres a song written about mrs bbh

 

well found kiwi

 

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson,
died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur.
'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycleshave changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,
'I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room
and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented,
'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something
\that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke,
'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!



'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words
and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur,
'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

 

I still dont get jokes

 

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,

'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke,

Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times'

 

i'm looking for a laugh

 

this might cheer you up

 

that is weird

 

but did it cheer you up

 

nothing cheers me up you ****

 

apart from QPR winning


so nothing

 

here you go
hope this cheers you up

 

I saw Faurlin

 

Faurlin over