...... you've ever played on someone. Me & Mrs Smug have just driven back from Saint Austell and, to pass the time, got onto the subject of pranks. We'd been listening to the 'confessions' on the Simon Mayo show on Radio 2 so I've just sent mine in. My mate Geoff played a rotten trick on me, that I can't post on here, but it was ****ing evil. (As it was pre-Sky, X-Box, internet days you had to make your own entertainment.) To get my own back I taped Radio Nottingham for an hour and a half. (The old C90 cassette tape.) I overdubbed the news to shove in a muffled item 'from our correspondent on the ground'. Geoff came over, a week or so later, and we were playing Subbuteo in my bedroom. I played the tape in the background as it went through music, traffic news, weather etc .......... when the local news came on his jaw dropped as the reporter blurted out that a family of 4, a man & wife plus 2 teenage daughters, had been shot dead in their home. The location was Ossington Close, Welbeck Colliery Village ......... his street!!!! He leaped down the stairs and pelted through the estate while I tried to catch my breath from laughing. When he got home he burst through the door to find his mam in her pinny doing the dishes. He flung his arms round her and asked where everyone was, "Your dad's on afters and the lasses are at work." He told his mam what had happened so they both flew out of the house and went knocking franticly on the neighbour's doors, these were the days when people knew everyone on the street. By the time they'd finished half the street were out and wondering what the **** was going on. Women were in tears & blokes dragged out of bed who were sleeping before night shift. Then they realised there were no reporters, no ambulances, no police and they were all out on the street going hysterical. As I rode past, on my fixed wheel bike, laughing & waving, one of the blokes tried to kick my wheel away ........ if I'd gone down they'd have torn me to ****ing pieces I was never totally forgiven but I still laugh about it 30 odd years later.
Nowhere near as bad as that mine like!! I used to fish when I was a kid and I was wandering the banks during a fishing competition on the Wear in Durham and saw my mate (who was a year younger than me) catching fish. I said "What you got"? He replied "Loads of dace - nothing else". I said "You can;t put them in your keepnet - they don't count in the weigh in" (coarse fishing). He was easily persuaded mind - qand he chucked them all back and kept fishing and catching the same thing most of the day! He still hasn;t forgiven me mind as I won the junior 3 match series and prize "money" of £250 tackle vouchers!! I did give him £100 of it though as an apology!!
I used to be mates with a lad called Colin, who really fancied my best mate Rebecca. She is stunning to be fair, but he's not in her league, besides which I'd never let him near her cos he's a prat. So my other mate Andy, who's not Colin's mate, had an idea. He changed his contact in my phone to 'Becky' (I have her stored as Rebecca) and he text me "Hi it's Becky, did you say you were seeing Colin this weekend? I was gonna come round but I'd be embarrassed if he was there"... the conversation between me and 'Becky' then developed for a few more messages until we had enough to go on, then I got Colin to come over. We showed him the texts and he was absolutely buzzing about it, then 'Becky' sent another text saying "Try and get him to take me on a date, I'm working til 7 tonight". So we got Colin to text 'Becky' from his own phone, obviously he never had Andy's number so the plan was flawless. Me and Andy (Becky) had arranged for him to think he was meeting Rebecca after work and his last text to her was "I'm so excited for this, I just can't wait to kiss you, hurry up 7 o clock". Rebecca walked out of Tesco where she worked and me and Andy crouched in his car, absolutely pissing ourselves... we didn't realise until that moment how much she ****ing hated him, she shouted at him in front of about 12 passers by and she stomped to her car without even letting him explain.
Three of the younger lads at my local decided to play a prank on their mate who was taking a lass out for the night in his car. They had been to some other pubs and were walking back to the local when they spotted his car parked up the road so they decided to pull up some sods from the nearby field and covered his car. Then they went into the local and sat with him and this girl happy in the knowledge that he was going to get a shock when he went out (they didn't think that he would have an idea who had done it!). Well they say revenge is a dish best served cold so he waited to get his own back until he saw one of their cars parked (the 3 had been playing 5-a-side and called in for a pint) so he put sh*t under the door handles. - (older cars you used to have to put your hand under them to open the doors) and so he duly got revenge. To be fair the lads saw the funny side of it until they asked him where did he find all the dog sh*t? to which her replied with a smile "It wasn't dog sh*t"
Reminds me of a revenge I played when I was a young apprentice. One of the older blokes took against me and tried to make my life a misery so I'd leave. I'd watch him grab his newspaper, at 10am every morning, to go into 'trap one'. So, one day, I went into the toilet at 9.50 to squeeze out the biggest link possible. I caught it in paper and placed it under the toilet seat. As he took his place at 10am I waited for the scream as his weight forced out the shyte to land in his dropped boilersuit & underkeks. As he walked, legs apart, back into the workshop I saw something that totally defined a word. There's nothing makes a man more 'indignant' than walking along with another man's shyte in his underpants
I give my cocaine loving friend a nice big line of Ketamine, his first ever, thinking it was coke. I howled in his confusion and mental and physical deterioration. He wasn't expecting that to happen. I've also made friends smoke curry powder buckets instead of weed.
Talking of weed, we used to get it by the carrier bag full when I fir Talking of weed, we used to get it by the carrier bag full when I first came to Nigeria, it used to cost around 50p as well and there was always to much to smoke and you'd end up chucking it when your 28 day trip finished. We used to cook our own lunch in the office and this day it was my turn, I decided to knock up a spag bol as it was the only thing I could cook back then. To be honest, it must have smelt rather nice cos all the gaffers came in salivating at the smell of it. Little did they know I'd chucked a rather large handful of gear in it, funny as **** watching all these straight laced grown ups walking round with a big daft grins on their faces.
Good times mate, especially when it was that cheap couldn't do it at home it costs too much nowadays but I do have a couple of biscuit tins of the stuff stashed in case I ever get back there.
I get a very good price and quite a bit for free for reasons I can't disclose, it's affordable for me.
All this banter makes the juvenile practice of ordering skips, taxis, multiple pizzas and takeaways to friends (and enemies) houses seem a bit lame. It seemed fun as an adolescent, calling round your mates house sniggering like idiots while his old man has this 'wtf, where did all this **** come from?' look on his face. "Is Dave in Mr Thompson?" I slowed down the practical jokes early 20's, after pursuing the 'frozen peas up a drunken (passed out) mans nostrils' trick on a pal which almost turned fatal. Funny as **** for about 20 seconds though. Then there's the old 'yeah, if you bbq scotch bonnets for long enough, they lose all their heat but get loads of flavour' line - one daft lad went for it and 30 mins later he'd climbed into an old chest freezer in the garage, drinking cartons of milk and eating bread for hours on end. as for the weed/acid induced tales......
He he he... Report in later pal. You can always try green beans, or frozen brocolli perhaps. Best start with peas though, just gently tease them into her nostrils when she starts zzz'ing. Have fun!
