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Best Christmas Cracker Jokes

Discussion in 'Watford' started by andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014.

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  1. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    There are a lot of bad and well known cracker jokes.

    Can we post ones that are new to us, and perhaps... good? ;)
     
    #1
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  2. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    Who assisted Ebenezer Scrooge?
    T'was the Ghost of Christmas passed.
     
    #2
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  3. Bloother

    Bloother Well-Known Member

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    Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?
     
    #3
    Bloother, Dec 24, 2014
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  4. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    How come I only send Christmas cards to 25 letters of the alphabet?
    I don't know Y.
     
    #4
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  5. Charlie Livesey was my hero

    Charlie Livesey was my hero Well-Known Member

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    Why was 6 frightened? because 7 ate 9.
     
    #5
    Charlie Livesey was my hero, Dec 24, 2014
  6. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    What athlete is warmest at Christmas?

    A long jumper.
     
    #6
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  7. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    What's the most popular wine to have with Christmas dinner?

    "But I hate Brussels sprouts!"
     
    #7
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  8. Charlie Livesey was my hero

    Charlie Livesey was my hero Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
     
    #8
    Charlie Livesey was my hero, Dec 24, 2014
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  9. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    Why are we considering have no advent calendars next year?
    We think their days are numbered.
     
    #9
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  10. yorkshirehornet

    yorkshirehornet Well-Known Member

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    lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    #10
    yorkshirehornet, Dec 24, 2014

  11. Busy Being Headhunted

    Busy Being Headhunted Well-Known Member

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    Elton may file for divorce
    David is having sex behind his back
     
    #11
    Busy Being Headhunted, Dec 24, 2014
  12. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    Us more enlightened have no problem with homosexuals and, given the amount of your waking day that is spent thinking about how Elton and David make love, we want you to think of this board as a safe place to come out.
     
    #12
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  13. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    Will Father Christmas visit Nigel Farage this year?
    No, he only comes if you sleep, not if UKIP.
     
    #13
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  14. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    What is missing from Take That's Christmas stocking this year?
    An Orange.
     
    #14
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  15. wear_yellow

    wear_yellow Well-Known Member

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    Why are there no telephones in China?

    There are so many Wings and so many Wongs, somebody might Wing the Wong number!
    (taken from DW's joke book!)
     
    #15
    wear_yellow, Dec 24, 2014
  16. Charlie Livesey was my hero

    Charlie Livesey was my hero Well-Known Member

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    A Blind Norwegian was having a house built, when he went to inspect it the builder dropped the washhand basin breaking it. The builder quickly put the bricklayers hod in it's place as a temporary measure.
    The house passed his inspection, it just goes to show that 'A Hods as good as a Sink to a blind Norse'. (lot of paper in that cracker)
     
    #16
    Charlie Livesey was my hero, Dec 24, 2014
  17. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> Bloody hell, Charlie, that's the sort of joke you'd want to post anonymously. :bandit:
     
    #17
    andytoprankin, Dec 24, 2014
  18. yorkshirehornet

    yorkshirehornet Well-Known Member

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    What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

    Halloumi.....

    :eek:
     
    #18
    yorkshirehornet, Dec 30, 2014
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  19. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

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    Here it is only 24 - no L
     
    #19
    Leo, Dec 30, 2014
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  20. andytoprankin

    andytoprankin Well-Known Member

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    Where's the 'Report' button when you need it? ;)
     
    #20
    andytoprankin, Dec 30, 2014
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