I asked our lass how long can you keep turkey in the freezer she said about 3 months I said thats funny the one I put in last night is dead this morning.
You must be the bloke that went to Baaaaaahrain and hired a Laaaaambretta. The same bloke that sang " I'll never find another ewe"
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it, and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, “Fer crissakes, Paddy, that’s yer air freshener!”
Two pubic hairs stuck to the side of a urinal and one says to the other " how long are you hanging around for?" " until I get p!ssed off "
There were two blondes at the seaside One say's look at that dead seagull over there And the other look's up and say's where.
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.' The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.' 'Can you give us an example?' 'Thou shall not kill.' 'Not kill? We're not interested..' So He went to the Africans and said, 'I have Commandments.' Africans wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honour thy Father and Mother.' 'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.' Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.' The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.' 'Not steal? We're not interested.' Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.' The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.' 'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.' Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.' 'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?' 'They're free.' 'We'll take 10.
A 22 stone woman with a face like a bad beekeeper walked into a greengrocers with a couple of kids and asked for some carrots. The greengrocer said " they must be twins " The old boiler replied " of course they're not Mary is 3 and Bobby is 14, why on earth would you think that?" The greengrocer said " it's just that I can't believe anyone would f@ck you twice.
Been seeing my girlfriend a while and after a few months of her asking me when I was going to pop the question I must have chosen the wrong words or something for no sooner had the words 'do you take it up the arse?' left my mouth she got up and left. I'll never understand women!
Don't worry Comm, if you still want an answer to the question, then I can confirm that yes, she does!
What's the difference between shame & pity? A bus load of Pakistani's go's over a cliff. That's a ****ing shame. There was three empty seats. Now that's a ****ing pity.
Two rats in a sewer. One says 'I'm ****ing sick of this, **** for breakfast, **** for dinner & **** for tea.' Other one says, 'don't worry mate, we'll be on the piss later.'
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled" "No" she replies "it’s just regular porn, you sick bastard"
