I've been trawling through this thread - it's well worth it - and I found this from Charlie Livesey. I remember the last one from school too, only slightly differently: Q) Why do Elephants paint their testicles red ? A) So they can hide in cherry trees. Q) What's the loudest sound in the jungle? A) Giraffes eating cherries.
The rain was pouring down and there was a big puddle in front of a pub in the Highlands. An old Scot was standing there wearing a kilt holding a rod hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy Englishman got out of a Rolls Royce came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'Am just fishing, Sir,' the old Scot replied. 'Poor fool,' the Englishman thought and invited the old Scot for a drink in the pub. As he felt he should start up a conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the English gentleman asked, 'and how many have you caught today, my man?' 'You're the eighth, sir,' the Scot answered.
Forgot about that Andy, so loved the cherries and the Giraffes will be telling that to all this week.
Charlie. It did make me reminisce so much about schoolboy jokes, although at the time the elephants in the Mini was a bit too absurd for me at the time. Love it now. There was a long time, I seem to remember, when our playground had just two jokes: Q Why can't you play cards in the jungle? A Because there's too many cheetahs. And Knock, knock... Doctor... etc We used to tell them, we used to listen to them, pretending we didn't know them to mates or issuing an interrupting "Heard it!" if we weren't mates. Oh, to have had this thread in all it's wonder when I was a kid.
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you pay for the first two." "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favourite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!" The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
Now that is a little smutty, you'll be in his black books for that. I hear he has a thing for stockings, or is that a hang up.
I cannot see anything funny in attempted "jokes" about *****philia. Attitudes need to change and making light hearted remarks about the subject cannot do anything but resist the change.
Mark, I am not making light of the events that these so called celebraties performed. I do not condone *****philia, far from it. I was just pointing out that even more cases are coming to light including recently Bill Cosby. All of those mentioned have dressed up as Santa and I find that discusting too. I appoligise if I have upset anybody and realise the comment is on the wrong thread.
Brendan Rogers took my dog out for a walk and came back without it! That bloke just can't hang on to a lead!
