Wisny a flymo, ya ****. It was one of they old mechanical ones where ye had to roll it to get the blades turning. Anyway, the **** hit me with it.
Like what? The colour of the glue they used to put me back together like ****ing humpty dumpty? It was pink.
You got any brothers? Av got two, of which am the middle one. So ah got battered aff ma big brother and I battered my wee brother. It's the way of life. My wee brother did fight back one night and I hit him with a table lamp for his trouble. Wee **** should have learned his station.
The more I think about it the more I think he just likes leaving his mark on people. He got my sister a belter compared to me though. She was chasing him up until she tripped up over a kitten and went elbow first through the glass on the bog door. Even worse when you consider that the argument started over who was drying the dishes.
An older sister (ah widnae) she wasn't too bad when we were kids, the occasional slap but she was smart enough to realise one day we'd be bigger than her. And a younger brother who I did often slap about for being a **** but as the years went by he grew to be 3" taller and about 5 stone heavier, took up martial arts and became one ****ing hard bastard. Sometimes we talk about our youger days and he brings the subject of me slapping him about to which my respose is always "can't remember that brud". I can look after myself but I wouldn't mess with that ****.
It's an amazing life lesson though. Fight like **** while growing up and now me an my brothers are all in our 40's we really couldn't be closer. We thoroughly enjoy having plenty beers and reminiscing about who did what to whom. A favourite is when I electrocuted my older brother by thinking I could make a soldering iron by twisting together heavy duty wire and plugging that in to a kettle's lead and then switching the power on while he was holding it. Seriously, it was Wiley Coyote black face
I've got a petrol mower, a flymo, an electric strimmer and a petrol brush cutter. You have been warned.
Is that it? You and your family are ****s and *****s. My big brother held me by the ankles over the sea front parapet at Paignton in Devon until I **** myself.
Nothing beats a good board game rammy. Especially if you're arguing over the rules and don't have a rulebook to hand
In other news.... I got heid boob this morning at the dentist. On the downside I slebbered my mooth sloosh down my jumper and then spent all afternoon desperate for coffee while waiting on the left side of my face to un-numb. Same again next Tuesday morning for the right side of my face. True story.
Nice on my lower abdomen from a hernia op in my athletic days. Whopper on my tailbone from several ops needed to sort infection caused by hair follicles embedding themselves in the area, asked the surgeon last time around if he could cauterise it into one mass of scar tissue to stop it happening again - he didn't Nice one on my chin from slipping running up some stair when I was a wee'un. Covered by beard now 4-5 inch long one that required around 12 stitches down the outside of my right calf, cause by logical thought process failure when I decided to try and take an enormous bin bag of empty bottles down from an upstairs bar about 6-7 years ago. Broken bottle jutting out nicked the skin and caused a 1 inch cut, but because of tension on the skin I watched it split itself open. Didnt feel a thing, and the only time it hurt was when the **** started anaesthetising it before stitching.
