If I Could Turn Back Time

So warbled Cher in 1971 with legs akimbo on a huge phallic warship pistol.

If you could turn back time what one single episode in your pathetic sorry lives would you change? Maybe something that could lead to a completely different career path or a change in relationship perhaps?

I had the chance to study acting when I was 10 years old in 1985 at RADA. Sometimes regret not following it up. Who knows I could have been hob knobbing with the Hollywood A listers.

 

I would go back to last thursday and vote Yes

 

Joining NOT606!

 

**** off, you tedious sheep-shagging ****.

 

I would stamp on your dad's balls repeatedly until they looked like Mrs' Aldo's face after a burnt xmas dinner

 

You really are a ****ter aren't you.

 

I didn't say I wanted to bum your dad?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-23681061

 

great news for the UK

 

I would warn Gambol about drilling through his finger.
Selfless acts are my speciality.
Maybe go to NY and get a good view of WTC getting pumped too.

 

You like violent sex and games with an older man.

You are definitely an arse bandit.

Now run along ****ter.

 

and the Western Isles who don't want to be part of Scotchland.

 

I wouldn't board the plane from Melbourne back to London in 2001.

 

I've too many fails to redress with just one trip back in time

 

I wish I'd got into Fiona Wilson's knickers when I had the chance. In fact, I'll regret that til the day I die.

 

I'd have waited for my 3rd misses before marrying twice before.

 

Wish I'd bought a property about 14 years ago when I was on only slightly less than I am now but house prices (in Hitchin anyway) were around a third what they are now. That and being a naive twat when birds were pretty much offering me it on a plate.

 

Ma mitt was crushed. Nuthin got drilled. Everythin got crushed.

For further information subscribe to my bi-annual newsletter by emailing gambol@amstillfuckinangry.****s

 

*missus

Although, seeing as ye ****ed up twice 'misses' is probably more appropriate.

 

I wish I'd had a go on my two best mate's girlfriends when we were at Uni. Both of the girls offered the opportunity but I did what I thought was the "right thing" at the time. The 21 year old me was stupid. Obviously I'm not in touch with either of my former best mates so in the long run banging their girlfriends wouldn't have made much difference to our friendship.