My Dog's Got No Nose

Did you hear about the guy who did not know the difference between Arson and Incest?

He set fire to his sister.

 

Take my wife.....

...no seriously, take my wife!

 

Are you here all week?

 

I wouldn't say my mother-in-law is a ****......................but she is.

 

My mother in law turned up at my front door the other week. I asked "What do you want?"

She replied "I've fallen out with Hubby so I want to stay here".

"So stay here" I said as I slammed the door in her face.

 

A guy got arrested for spraying Domestos all over the fruit and veg aisle in Tesco the other day.

Police charged him with Bleach of the peach.

 

Booooo

 

Get aff the ****in stage. Robin Williams corpse is funnier.

 

Did you hear about the magic tractor ? It went down the road and turned into a field.

 

I was telling my mother that I was thinking of opening a theatre. She said "Are you having me on?". I said "it depends, what's your act?"

 

Boooooo

 

My mate told me he got a job in a bowling alley.

"Tenpin" I asked

"No" he said "it's permanent".

 

There was a prison break and I saw this midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

 

Told my mate I was getting the train to France and he said "eurostar?" I said "thanks very much, I do my best".

 

I went into my local shop and asked for a bottle of brown sauce."HP" asked the shopkeeper,no I said "I'll pay for it now"

 

My bird said she was looking for someone who could give her 12 inches and make her scream. I shagged her four times and slammed her tits in the door.

 

I took a blackout last night.




Taking her to the pictures next time