My Dog's Got No Nose

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-28838287


**** me and that's the best they can offer.

Dev would give them a run for their money.

 

Why don't you shut the **** up you cabbage eating ****?

 

He'd only last about 50mtrs before collapsing in a heap wheezing whilst gasping for another hit of a cannabis 'bomb' or whatever the junkies call it.

 

Nothing wrong with cabbage.

I make a really tasty cabbage soup.

 

I got a good deal on some faulty marionettes the other day.

No strings attached.

 

If I have soup in a restaurant I always have a very small bowl.

That's right. I only have a soupcon.

 

Exit signs ... they're on the way out!

 

Pud's salivating at all this cabbage chat.

 

There`s a very thin line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like a fool

 

Just started my own small business building Yachts in my attic.


Sales are through the roof

 

This far better comedy than the fringe (a festival for ****s, lezzers and *****s held in the most ****yish capital in the world).

 

I once ****ed over a leaflet.


You could say I got off to a flyer.

 

That's why ST moved there from Hicksville in the Boondocks.

 

Had a fancy dress party last night and got beaten up after sleeping with a ghost. At least I thought it was a ghost, turns out it was my Muslim next door neighbours wife.

 

racist ****.

 

What's the difference between a Jewish wife and a Catholic wife?

A Jewish wife has real jewellery and fake orgasms.

 

It's hard for kleptomaniacs to get puns because they take everything, literally.

 

My mate's a dyslexic pimp - he opened a warehouse.

 

What do you call an epileptic in a deck chair? A Transformer.

 

I once knew a dyslexic agnostic insomniac. He used to lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.