Lets write a book !

Along came Yosser Calm down, scratching his crab ridden clems.

 

A rabid miniature dachshund snatched the cigarette from the floor and, on pulling out his 1954 limited edition 'Zippo(tm)' lighter proceeded to light the butt and take a long hard draw.

 

Dylan the dachshund then realised that skanky Morag was smoking no ordinary cigarette.

 

Named after a Pot Smoking Rabbit meant that he had a nose for the more experimental smokes and boy did he enjoy this one.

 

Then along came Alice, all bow legged and heavily scented in eau de old spice, and headed for Yosser.

 

Morag meanwhile had remembered that she still hadn't eaten that snail she found in her knickers earlier in the day and began to think of a good marinade...

 

Meanwhile, a more jovial Dylan cocked his leg and started to produce the amber liquor marinade that Morag had only dreamed of. Taking the small cretaceous slime producing snack in her wart covered had she dipped it in the hippy canine's love juice....

 

Following the slime trail, Morag, finally managed to prize the snail free, and armed with a half eaten tooth pick, began digging.

 

it wasn't a snail!!!

 

The thought of eating whatever this creature was that she'd dug from her boggy, whispy, rotten mimsy had got all to exciting for her and Morag unfortunately shat herself...

 

With the mixture of **** and worms running down her leg, she noticed Yosser and Alice in the kebab shop doorway, going at it faster than Diana and Dodi.

 

The thought of eating the slimy snail thing had now subsided, since Morag dropped it in her freshly laid squit-pat. She wondered if she could weave past Alice and Yosser she might be able to tap a *** from Bukruk in the kebab shop, even though he'd want something in return...

 

She squeezed past the loving couple, giving Yosser a wink, and a grope of his nads, and entered the kebab shop, Bukruk gave a toothless grin, and shouted '**** of infadels' to the love birds, and unzipped his flies, not knowing that Dylan was sniffing at Morags love trail.

 

Morag attempted to ask Bukruk for a *** but inadvertently slipped on a bit of kebab meat and smashed her face open against the meat counter, she lay motionless on the floor, covered in **** and snail slime...

 

Bukruk, then spotted Dylan doing some kind of dog break dancing as a result of Morag's ***. Grabbed his skewers and had already planned the next days lunchtime special.

 

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Morag was now floating around Bukruk's, Mohammeds shrine, like a sacrifical lamb awaiting her handsome toothless kebab man,

 

The cleaner had hosed Morag down with the fire extinguisher to clean her mess up, she hasn't looked as good since 1979 aged 17 when she won 4th place in the one-armed, ginger, Miss Hull under 4ft 3 competition...

 

In walks a 6.4', 32 stone geordie gigalo, with a half eaten pasty stuck to his lop sided face. 'Hi babe, my name is Steve Bruce, i will take anyone to Ull, and you seem like you like to play with balls, i will give you 50k a week, all i expect is a gobble now and again, deal'?

 

Morag looked on in astonishment, as Bruce peeled the piece of kebab meat that she'd earlier slipped on off the bottom of her rotting Dunlop trainer, and started to eat it. She dreamt of this moment her whole life, she didn't know what to say to Steve...