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O/T favourite one liner.

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014.

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  1. WearsidePride

    WearsidePride Active Member

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    Mine has to be the old tommy cooper joke. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off
    Just thought it would be a bit of a fun thread like.. So what's your favourite joke or one liner?
     
    #1
    WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014
  2. Deleted #

    Deleted # Well-Known Member

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    What's worse than finding a toenail in your soup?




















    Rape
     
    #2
    Deleted #, Jul 1, 2014
  3. WearsidePride

    WearsidePride Active Member

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    :laugh::laugh:
     
    #3
    WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014
  4. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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    Congratulations on the twins, eh? Ones 4 and the other is 9, what makes you think they are twins?

















    Cant believe anybody would **** you twice!
     
    #4
    C19RK73, Jul 1, 2014
  5. its been fun thanks :)

    its been fun thanks :) ♬♬Badum-tish! ♬♬
    Forum Moderator

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    'it's your round'
     
    #5
    its been fun thanks :), Jul 1, 2014
  6. WearsidePride

    WearsidePride Active Member

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    Haha! I know a few lasses who that would apply too like!
     
    #6
    WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014
  7. WearsidePride

    WearsidePride Active Member

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    How do you know when you’re too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air freshener.
     
    #7
    WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014
  8. E.T. Fairfax

    E.T. Fairfax Well-Known Member

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    Backed a horse today.........20-1!!! It came in twenty past four! In fact, it came in so late it had to tip toe back to the stables!!!
     
    #8
    E.T. Fairfax, Jul 1, 2014
  9. Blunham Mackem

    Blunham Mackem Well-Known Member
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    <laugh><laugh><laugh> liked that.

    Women: can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em!
     
    #9
    Blunham Mackem, Jul 1, 2014
  10. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    &#8216;Keep Britain Tidy &#8211; chop off Norfolk and Cornwall!&#8217;
     
    #10
    Gil T Azell, Jul 1, 2014

  11. password invalid

    password invalid Well-Known Member

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    we are thank goodness
     
    #11
    password invalid, Jul 1, 2014
  12. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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    Del-boy

    That is not the hand i dealt you

    [video=youtube_share;C_fHScmyWTA]http://youtu.be/C_fHScmyWTA[/video]
     
    #12
    C19RK73, Jul 1, 2014
  13. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    &#8216;Hopefully I&#8217;ve got a book coming out soon. Shouldn&#8217;t have eaten it, really.&#8217;
     
    #13
    Gil T Azell, Jul 1, 2014
  14. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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    That is not my dog

    [video=youtube_share;ui442IDw16o]http://youtu.be/ui442IDw16o[/video]
     
    #14
    C19RK73, Jul 1, 2014
  15. The Outlaw

    The Outlaw Well-Known Member

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    First time I had sex I was terrified...I was all alone and in the dark.
     
    #15
    The Outlaw, Jul 1, 2014
  16. WearsidePride

    WearsidePride Active Member

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    Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly
     
    #16
    WearsidePride, Jul 1, 2014
  17. Tel (they/them)

    Tel (they/them) Sucky’s Bailiff

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    One of my favourite lines from Bottom:

    Richie: I'll have you know I've been doing lessons in Tai Kwon-do

    Eddie: Well maybe you should have done them in Hammersmith and you'd have saved money on the bus.
     
    #17
    Tel (they/them), Jul 1, 2014
  18. password invalid

    password invalid Well-Known Member

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    If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work
     
    #18
    password invalid, Jul 1, 2014
  19. Deletion Requested1

    Deletion Requested1 Well-Known Member

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    Tommy Cooper - man walks into a bar he said ouch - it was an iron bar
     
    #19
    Deletion Requested1, Jul 1, 2014
  20. ROBOJOHN

    ROBOJOHN Active Member

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    Another Tommy Cooper one
    I went out to buy some camouflage trousers, but I couldn't find any !! guy was a genius, remember was heading out with the Mrs the night he died, sliding down the curtain, thought it was part of the act.
     
    #20
    ROBOJOHN, Jul 2, 2014
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