A shadow loomed over RHC. He turned and looked up to see Shane Warne standing there. Shane Warne then unzipped his . . . skin. Underneath there was one of Sisu's Lizard Overlords . . .
There was blood all around the Lizard's mouth and RHC noticed that his human arms, which were across the room in a bowl, had been chewed upon. RHC tried to wake Toasterman...
"Crumbs" said RHC as he shook Toasterman with all his "-mite", but Toaster Man wouldn't wake up. "I butter find a way to escape, " he mused aloud. Suddenly, Sisu came swinging in through the window on a vine and yelled: "Vile Lizardman- you have haunted me too long! I shall defeat you!" He drew out his sword from his belt; the same sword that the purchase of caused 7 different government agencies to start tracking him. Then with his sword he ran at the lizardman.
Determined to skewer the cold-blooded fiend. But the lizardman was smarter than he looked: he used his rock-hard scaly arm to smash the poorly-made internet katana aside, and then forearm-smashed Sisu in the mouth, sending him sprawling to the ground. "You Fascist junta!" Sisu yelled, through a mouthful of blood and broken teeth, whilst staring at his ruined blade . . .
The Lizard man started to beat Sisu mercilessly. RHC watched helplessly as his saviour was being brutally attacked. It all looked bleak... and just as they were both about to give up, the sound of a bear growling could be heard outside the door. Suddenly, in rode Valdimir Putin wearing nothing but a wooly loincloth, riding on the back of a giant grizzly bear! "Onvards, my furry comrade" Putin declared- as the bear launched into full assault of the lizardman. He looked at Sisu and winked "You defend me, yes. Now, I return favour my dear friend, yes".
Toasterman awoke to a scene befitting the most feverish dreams of Blake or Dali or Bosch. The Russian president, Putin, was apparently bare-ass naked on a bear, battling what appeared to be a lizardman; Sisu was sat, bloodied and battered, looking at what appeared to be a broken TMNT Leonardo sword, crying and muttering something about Capitalism; and RHC was in the corner touching up a verdant-skinned woman, with three tits and a cracking arse, who was looking none too pleased about the situation . . .
Toasterman used his special powers, and like a modern day spiderman- stretched out his wrist and sent a stream of marmite into RHC's open mouth... Suddenly RHC felt a lot less scared and more emboldened... he temporarily left the green bint, and went to help tend to the wounds of Sisu. Meanwhile, nearly-naked Putin was also enjoying a moment of triumph as his bear ripped the jugular out of the Lizardman's throat. It was a moment of triumph for RHC and his gang. Amidst the confusion, the three-breasted alien (with the nice arse) managed to escape to the window... "You haven't seen the last of me, " she cackled as she leapt out the window. Then, the worst imaginable thing happenend...
Manchester United won the Premier League and Champions League and the FA cup in the same year and signed Messi and Ronaldo and Suarez! The ****s were insufferable . . .
But fortunately, they were found guilty of match fixing- so FIFA sent the repo men around to strip them of all their silverware. Disguised as a repo man was the green alien lady with the extra breast and the nice bum... she cackled as she went into Old Trafford with the repo men as they went to extract the ill-gotten trophies. She had a different mission... she was going to extract revenge on RHC, nearly-naked Putin, and Toasterman. Hidden beneath Old Trafford was the ultimate weapon of revenge... the...
The Dildo of death. Which Ferguson had used on each member of the FA panel and every referee that had taken charge of a game at Old Trafford, especially Howard Webb who had enjoyed the experience, in order to win his ill gotten titles. Edit: had to revise, Milk got in before me.
A space-ship landed in a remote area, the ship crew all aliens have no clue where they were. It was not far from where the Forest Guard was fishing. "Blame me" the Forest Guard said "Dave is here again"
The Forest Guard, was really RHC in disguise, and "Dave is here again" was his secret code to tell Toaster Man and nearly naked Putin that it was safe to come out into the open. What RHC didn't realise was that the alien lady (with three breasts, and a nice bum), was hiding in the shadows holding her dildo of death and was preparing to strike with her army of...
of Lizard Men. They had spotted the hidden trio and were just about to jump upon them. Fortunately there was a loud clattering that startled the Lizard Men, it was Ryan Giggs fornicating with his sister-in-law. Human copulation was disgusting to the Lizard Men...
... but Ryan Giggs was no human... he pulled back his mask and revealed that he too was a lizard man! He was human once... but he had fallen into the Large Hadron Collider with a lizard man- he was pounded by Higgs Bosons and his DNA was swapped with the lizard man turning him into the ultimate Lizard Man warrior. "ATTACK!!!!!!" he yelled, as he dismounted his spent sister in law... The heroic trio turned to see the onslaught- "Save yourselves" nearly naked Putin called- as he rode his bear into the Lizardman army- Toasterman and RHC turned and ran away... they didn't see- Putin be brutally violated with the dildo of death.
RHC and Toasterman ran out of the gates at Old Trafford where Sisu was waiting for them, he had been given the job of look-out as his smashed out missing teeth had made him able to imitate any bird call. "Where is Putin?" Toasterman and RHC looked desperately in despair and they recounted Putin heroic charge at the army of the Lizard Men and that the Sexy Green lady with the three breasts and the pert arse now had the Dildo of Death. They seemed powerless to stop her and that the power to shaft and corrupt the FA with the Dildo of Death would now go to the highest bidder. So probably the Chavs. They had to stop this before Maureen got his grubby hands on the Dildo.
Maureen was sitting at home at that moment with his pet dog. He had been lovingly sticking his finger up it's bum when his phone rang. "Special One, here " "Hi, this is the green alien with three breasts and chisled arse, I've got 'the item', " "Excccccceeeelllllleeeeeent! Meet me at Stamford Bridge at 8pm tonight- Roman will have the money in the suitcase, £40million plus £1 as we agreed!" "Just as a warning, Toasterman, Sisu, and RHC are on the prowl and determined to stop you... watch your back, " "Just bring the contraband and I will deal with those meddling kids...." He hung up the phone... and his doorbell rang... it was...
Sir Alex Ferguson holding a bouquet of 2 dozen red roses. "You ready for date-night, Jose? You know you'll always be my Special One," he gushed stepping close to embrace his beloved Maureen . . .
