RHC, totally distracted by the strange and sudden appearance of Berb, failed to hear Denice's stunning anouncement that he -- RHC, the time-traveling Badger-Lord -- was Matth's father! Trying to recapture his attention she lopped his hand off at the wrist with Excalibur . . .
Excliber the alcohol free lager not excalibur the sword. She knew alcohol free would be a mind **** for rhc
"Only ****ing shandy, fairy spuge-ferrets like The Big Yin drink this ****ing ****e!" he roared, ignoring the missing hand and the sudden plot similarities to The Empire Strikes Back. And as his life bood dripped from the stump of his right arm into the shimmering lake of Whey . . .
He woke up realising it had all been a dream and scratching his yellow stained y fronts he opened a can of special brew ...
It was all he had left since he ran out of his favourite tipple: meths. A strange link to his dream was forming in his addled mind and so, influenced by this, he picked up his mobile phone . . .
But it wasn't his phone, it was his iron... he had left it plugged in all night... He screamed as it burnt his ear off... he dropped it and it landed on the floor, igniting the alcohol and pee soaked carpers of his home... he fell into a burning ring of fire...
Unfortunately RHC died in this inferno, but this isn't the end of his tale. He discovered the afterlife, and visited Old Nick in the fiery pits of hell. There he faced a journey through all the varied levels of hell and purgatory, like a p*ssed-up Cyber-Dante from gloomy Warrington . . .
"WTF" he exclaimed, irate that he was having a dream inside a dream inside a dream inside a dream! This is more screwed up than Inception! He was so angry that he shot himself!
Once he woke up from the following dream, it was ten months earlier and all the original characters returned...
wearing nothing but a smile. "Hi RHC! They all said grinning" At first RHC smiled back and was happy to see his friends naked but then he realised that...
The £1.17 was made of out-of-currency ha'pennies. "At least they're tipping" he thought as he tried to stand, only to discover his legs had been cut off.
More worrying was the weird liquid seeping around his bum crack as he tried to move whilst the arse hairs painfully pulled apart...
He tried to light the weird liquid but discovered it wasn't alcohol, it was something white and sticky. He searched around the room for anything flammable... the only thing he saw was paper all the way across the room and he had no legs...
He briefly remember one of his many dreams where he was a dragon and tried to breath fire before realise it was just a dream and felt like a right ****...
