Irish pickle factory Mickey O'Flynn worked in an Irish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist. After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Mickey to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind. The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Mary, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Mickey tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired. Mary gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?" Mickey replied, "I think she got fired, too."
Fantastic goal celebration http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/lat...ootballer-runs-into-stands-to-applaud-himself Carlsberg World Cup advert, great like http://www.dailystar.co.uk/world-cu...-Paddy-and-Wrighty-s-new-Carling-World-Cup-ad
Just heard about a new car insurance called, "drivelikeagirl.com" They say they monitor your driving and if you drive like a girl, you get cheaper insurance. I put it to the test, so I've started talking on my phone and texting while driving, putting makeup on while doing 80 on a motorway, cutting across roundabouts and even disabling the indicator switch so I'm unable to use it. I also merge lanes without looking, park on the line in car parks so I take up 2 places, and use other cars' bumpers as positioning devices when parallel parking. Just logged onto their site and I've saved £148!
Me granny kicked off again the other day. “Yer nar it wadn’a lang ago yer cu’d leave yer hoose wirra pund, get a chicken a load of tatties and carrots, and a puddin from the posh supermarket for wu Sunday dinner.” Yes granny, we all know about inflation – i replied. “Nah man, it’s arl that ****in CCTV”
just dump in the pan ... and bake [video=youtube;p227z98e66Q]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p227z98e66Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video] simples
A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years". "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals". "Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the garden.
this is the way to keep traffic moving far too many traffic lights & roundabouts in this country [video=youtube;UEIn8GJIg0E]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEIn8GJIg0E#t=78[/video]
Class one less thing to learn for passing your driving test no roundabouts ,just turn left or right easy
what gets me is the people crossing the road amongst all that chaos - I'd need a couple of swift brandies to steady the nerves
