Two Blondes With Hammers. Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work On a Habitat for Humanity House.. Lynn was nailing down house siding, Would reach into her nail pouch, Pull out a nail & either toss it Over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, About half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
A woman goes to the doctor... She goes to the doctor's office and during the examination she says, "Doctor, I've got a problem that i am deeply concerned about. I keep farting all the time, they don't smell or make a sound but I am constantly farting all the time, in fact I've farted 15 times since you've stepped in the room to exam me, I'm very worried that there is something wrong with me." the doctor writes her a prescription and says, "take 2 of these a day and see me in a week" The woman comes back in a week and says, "these pills aren't helping, in fact I'm even worse, I'm still farting all the time, they still don't make any noise, but now they smell horrible" the doctor says "good, we've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing"
A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?' 'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.' So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. 'A female horth.' So he shows him a prized filly. 'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?' So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. 'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?' So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. 'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?' The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?' Totally mad at this point, the breeder grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's bum, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. 'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'
