Very true indeed PLT, I lie not. In-fact whilst typing my previous post on the sweepstake thread I delivered an overly audible snot shooter into the palm of my non-typing hand & finished it off with "Bollocks, ya ****". "Is there any need?" immediately echoed out of the kitchen.
Has anyone ever sneezed and followed through? I have. In the bath. I'm ing because I remember getting out of the bath, emptying it and started running another one. Her indoors looked puzzled and asked what I was doing. 'Just running a fresh bath, I shat in the last one' She wasn't impressed. She still finds it distasteful when I regale this story in polite company.
Disappointed generally with the pride shown in anti-social sneezing. I will see what my future findings are when I embark on further studies and research with my guinea pigs (you) in due course. I'm particularly keen to see what results I get from the "Deliberately Not Adjusting Ones Chewing Rhythm So As To Not Disgust My Colleagues With Squidgy Chomp Noises" and "Proudly & Ignorantly Conducting a Conflab/Conference/Conversation/Argument On A Public Stairwell Whilst Simultaneously Completely Disregarding the Needs Of Others In the Area Who May Actually Need to Get Somewhere As Well" questions. It's time I rang the changes.
Stairwells only have one purpose,they're for farting in when either, you know your farts will pass the limit of social acceptance for the lift or office or have a potential embarrassment factor (think Carmine in the bath). If you need to change floors use the lift, it's there for a reason. If there's a fire throw the fattest bird in the office through the window (obviously get help, don't be breaking any manual handling rules. They're there to protect you!!) & jump onto the freshly prepared bouncy castle below.
What really grinds my gears is people who dawdle, esp the ones in their early 20's who quite frankly have no earthly business dawdling. Also people who spend a ridiculous amount of time at the cash point.
I sneeze unashamedly loudly and instead of the expletive, I suffix my sneeze with an Elvis style 'uh hu da hu'. That usually proves quite popular. ps Ben, fat girls are for life, not just for fires.
I'm sorry Ben but I must be strict with this, and insist that your opinions on this matter are saved exclusively for the "Proudly & Ignorantly Conducting a Conflab/Conference/Conversation/Argument On A Public Stairwell Whilst Simultaneously Completely Disregarding the Needs Of Others In the Area Who May Actually Need to Get Somewhere As Well" thread when it appears on a date on which I deem this board ready for it. Rules are rules.
I love 'em BFT & I'm perfectly at ease in their company. They have many uses & positive attributes but in an above ground floor fire they excel.
Disorder in the office. Disorder in the canteen. Disorder on the stairwells. And now disorder on this board. I hope you're proud of yourself Benjamin. Some of us are just trying to raise standards. *Uh tish* (sensible sized sneeze)
I like it. aaahhhhhhh chewwwwwwww ****ER. Its great. Made the kids laugh n got rid of the mother in law, whats not to like.
PArty have you got .. Sneezing anxiety disorder (sneezing phobia) is a persistent fear about sneezing situations and being around people. It's one of the most common anxiety disorders. Much more than just "shyness", sneezing anxiety disorder causes intense, overwhelming fear over what may just be an everyday activity. People affected by it may fear doing or saying something they think will be humiliating. Sneezing anxiety disorder disrupts normal life, interfering with relationships and quality of life, and impairing performance at work or school. It's generally more common in women than men and often starts in adolescence, or sometimes as early as childhood. If you think you may have sneezing anxiety disorder, don't be afraid to see your GP. It is a recognised condition that can be effectively treated. What are the signs of sneezing anxiety disorder? A child with sneezing anxiety disorder may cry a lot, freeze, or have tantrums. They may fear going to school and participating in class and school performances. Teens and adults with sneezing anxiety disorder may: • dread everyday activities such as: o meeting strangers o talking in groups or starting conversations o speaking on the telephone o talking to authority figures o working o eating or drinking with company o going shopping • have low self-esteem and feel insecure about their relationships • fear being criticised • avoid eye-to-eye contact • misuse drugs or alcohol to try to reduce their anxiety They may just fear one particular situation, such as speaking on the phone, or all sneezing situations. Panic attacks Sometimes, the fear and anxiety of a sneezing situation can build up to a panic attack, a period of usually just a few minutes when the person feels an overwhelming sense of fear, apprehension and anxiety. There may be physical symptoms too, such as feeling sick, sweating, trembling and having heart palpitations. These feelings reach a peak and then pass rapidly. They are alarming but cannot cause any physical harm.
What complete and utter bollocks. Thanks for sharing. Next installment, why you fart and belch silently.
If I'm bored and want to annoy the ex-Bransholme based Mrs S, I turn a workaday sneeze into a cry of 'Mogadishu', before announcing it to be the capital of Somalia don't cha know. It annoys her. So I do it next time. Which she finds more annoying. So I continue. 30 years. She's not learning.
My Mum bought some honey in Northumberland and asked the lady in the shop if it was locally produced, she says "no, but I'm sure the bees fly round here a bit".
Was this before you got to be posh and had three showers? Was it, in fact, the reason that you installed showers as they make it much easier to deal with the occasional accidental ****? I'm a great believer in the explosive sneeze as the immense back pressure caused by "holding it in" can do untold damage to your sinuses. No need to sneeze into your hand though - well trained sneezers invariably use the inner elbow and avoid the risk of cross contamination.
