I picked this up on OTIB and cjs has posted on the "gas" board, it's hilarious and describes to perfection a pissed off fan, it deserves a read.. ' Poojah April 17, 2010, 9:54pm Now I’m as optimistic as anyone when it comes to this twát of a football club, but after this afternoon’s latest capitulation it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee – we’re fúcked. Down. Goners. Non-league. To be honest I didn’t know how it would affect me, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming, but tonight I just feel absolutely deflated. Absolutely fúcking devastated. I can’t get away from these emotions, I just want the whole world to just fúck off and leave me alone. To help me come to terms with this whole mess, I’ve decided to compile a list of everyone and everything I want to fúck off most of all. For starters, work can fúck off. If they think I’m going to be there on Monday morning they’ve got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with cúnts that I can barely stand being with when I’m in a good mood, let alone this crushing feeling of anger, frustration and outright metaphorical-kicked-in-the-bóllocks-ness. Plastic Premier League fans can fúck off. I just spoke to my Manchester United supporting neighbour (who incidentally, has been to Old Trafford before – twice) about Town’s predicament. You know what he said? “I know how you feel; it’s like when we failed to win a trophy in ‘95”. NO IT FÃCKING WELL IS NOT! He no longer has a face. The girlfriend can definitely fúck off. Her best attempt at consolation – “I don’t know why you’re bothered; you knew they were shÃt anyway”. Yes love, but they’re MY shÃt team. They’ve been MINE for pretty much as long as I’ve been able to wipe my own árse, and they’ll be MINE for as long as I’m alive (or at least, until I’m no longer able to wipe my own árse). Truth is, watching my team win does things for me that no woman can. If push comes to shove and I’m horny, I can always have a wánk. Barrow can fúck off. I’ve been all over the country and beyond to watch my team, but frankly I just don’t have the stomach to visit any town which makes S****horpe look like fúcking St. Tropez. Dad, you can fúck off. This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of shÃt. “Come with me to Blundell Park”, you said, “Come and support the boys”. What could I do? I was fúcking four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on Heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British Home Stores, but no, you knew best. Granted, I’d have probably grown up a homosexual but surely even being simultaneously búggered two guys named Seth and Quentin couldn’t hurt like this. Seeing as we’re on the subject of homosexuality, Gok Wan can fúck off. No particular reason, I just plain don’t like the annoying, goggle-eyed cúnt. The F.A. can fúck off. Not for supplying us, week-in, week- out, with inept referee after inept referee, but for imposing sensible financial rules on all clubs in League Two. How many clubs in this division have been into administration this season? Not one. How many points deducted? Not one. How the fúck else are we supposed to avoid relegation – footballing merit? We didn’t have to last season, so why spoil the fun now? The World Cup can fúck off – I don’t care anymore. My local pizza shop can fúck off. I ordered a 12” Pepperoni over an hour ago, and where the fúck is it? Are they trying to fúcking fly it to me or something? Sky Sports can fúck off. Nothing personal, but there’ll be little need for me next season with no Town to be found anywhere. Ooh, Bolton versus Wolves, LIVE. I think I’ll pass... The radio can fúck off. On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing ‘Down’ by Jay Sean at the exact same fúcking time. The song’s the best part of a year old, how the fúck does that happen by coincidence!? My nan’s old lucky Buddha that used to sit in her front room can fúck off. When I was a kid I held it in my hands and wished for Town to be in the Premier League. I meant the proper one you fat cúnt, not the one occupied by Histon, Eastbourne and for fúck’s sake, Ebbsfleet, wherever that is. Tonight can fúck off. I’ve had enough of trying to cope with my emotions; the time has come for oblivion. I haven’t kept any booze in the house since an occasion known only as ‘That Night’ by myself and the missus, but suffice to say that the toilet duck and luminous blue mouthwash are looking like stronger propositions by the minute. Most of all though, the last 10 years can fúck off. In that time I’ve watched my team fall from the top of the Championship into non-league nothingness. We’ve gone from one great big fúck up to the next without even coming up for air, and today is just the big, fúck off cherry on top. One thing I’m sure of though is that we WILL be back. When it comes down to it, a football club is basically just a set of supporters, and frankly what I’ve learned in the last few years is that this one has some of the best. We’ve had to put up with some shÃt, haven’t we boys, but in spite of all of that the future is still bright – it’s fúcking black and white. Grimsby ‘til I die...' http://www.thefishy.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1271541289/
Very poignant, sad yet hilariously funny. I see this was dated in 2010 when Grimsby slid out of the League into the conference but now they are set for the Conference Play Offs. Let's hope the sun shines on our lifelong Mariner.
How can any fan of Man U, Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea etc call themselves true fans. You have to suffer to be a true fan - a true fan sticks with it however they feel This guy epitomises millions of people who support "sh*t teams" - we are all proper football fans
" we're not going to get European football this year" Oh I'm sorry that you will miss your team in action from your seat of your home 300 miles from Manchester. It's not like your team has had 4 diabolical seasons in a row.
The older fans of both Man U and Chelsea will both have suffered from quite a few years in the wilderness and both also had a relegation to the old second division in the 1970's. Until SAF came along Man U were a poor top flight team, and it took him a fair while to sort it out. However I've no time for glory hunters
Sat in a bar in Greenville South Carolina on a wet Monday night on my lonesome...another business trip. Watching a crap baseball game on tv and came across this post. I was killing myself laughing. Brightened a boring evening.
Hard life Tampa? Having done my share of business trips staying in lonely hotels, I know what you mean. Everyone else thinks business people have exotic lives but I would rather be in my armchair at home!
Hang on a cotton picking minute cidered, have you ever spent a night in Flin Flon, Manitoba? It may not be the full blown asshole of the world but you can see it from there!
David Moyes summed up the feelings for most Man Utd fans when he said that they will be in Europe next season, even if he has to write the song himself. Now there's managerial nous if ever there was.
What a brilliant letter, I think any fan of a relegated team can relate to this letter, it is truly superb!!
The 70s and MU in the 2nd division, I remember let me see who were the only team to do the double over them???? of course it was the mighty Reds!!!!!!! City that is.
