Who wants to cyber with me?

I think there's a lot of frustrated single men here who need some active relief (or in ER's case, some active ingredients to get him started), so here goes ...come cyber with me and bash your bishop to your heart's content

...I'll start: (you are alone) Shameless walks in with various instruments of torture, looking sleek, sexy and full of mischief, saying "I hear you've been a naughty boy"...

 

It sounded good until you said you looked sleek and sexy. I don't mind some roleplay, but it has to be a bit believable.

 

Trying to groom sad ****ers on the internet is probably not your best idea thus far

Thing is, from what I understand, the sexually repressed tend to like the women they have no chance of getting, not ones that offer their 'services' for free on a sports forum...

 

Auld Shameless dosed up with the horn at 3am.

 

No, it's community service

 

How old are you honey? X

 

The lezzer is 68.

 

PM me your Skype address and we'll do this thing properly

 

No, this thread has been presented on a public forum

 

I thought to myself "Venom, how could this thread become even more disturbing and ultimately depressing?"

After what seemed an age, during which I could feel my pubic hair actually growing, the answer occurred to me like a bolt out of the swing-set "You could post on it Venom, you could post on it"

 

I suggest we relax a little and enjoy each other's company first, can I sit nearby? I want to gaze into your eyes; you know you can tell a lot about a man from the lines around his eyes. You have nice eyes by the way.
** Shameless then dives into the ample handbag on the floor and retrieves a small leather pouch
Do you like nipple clamps? **said with a timid smile

 

****in desperate old crusty pish flapped ****er.

 

'Yes', I reply, shuffling nervously in my snakeskin moccasins, ‘yes I have. I urinated in the fishbowl. ‘Twas me.’

*Crack*

Shameless’ whip connects with my cheek. Blood streams down my face, crimson on black. My stiffy wilts in the pain, going from 100% erect to around 70%, at a push.

‘Come here you filthy little JCB digger’. She doesn’t really say ‘JCB digger’ but something that rhymes with it. My erection slumps to 60%.

Shameless produces a piece of flea ridden meat from her cavern-like vagina. ‘Eat it.’ I chomp it down in fear of displeasing her. It doesn’t taste so bad, but could probably have done with some Nando’s medium peri-peri marinade. This causes my erection to fall somewhere below 50%.

Shameless throws a rope around my neck and hoists me up via a pulley like mechanism. She dangles me over the fishbowl so my semi flaccid penis dangles in the water. ‘Piss in it again you filthy little bitch’. Whilst I still have consciousness I start to urinate. The fish in the bowl swims up my urethra and starts nibbling my testes. Not unpleasant, I become maybe 5% more erect but is hard to tell as my vision goes black and I slip towards unconsciousness.

The rope releases and I fall to the floor. Shameless ****s on me.

 

That was very dramatic, but we're supposed to take turns, like me and Ciaran above ^^^^

- is this your first time Bealey?

 

Yeah, how can you tell? Am I trying too hard here?

 

Here, put your penis away and have a slice of cake while I tend to your wounds'

** Shameless feverishly dabs soothing ointment on the open flesh

Tell me, have you ever lost control of your bowels as you stare tearfully at the bloody stool in your underwear, crippled in pain?

 

****.

 

ER, you are too old and decepit for me to even consider engaging in sex-talk following these thinly disguised advances.

Now **** off, you assinine *****.

 

Have you ever indulged yourself in what we refer to as the `Lifestyle` ?

 

Lesbo.