OT DIY Nightmares

The day Emu got made redundant....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/336174.stm


DIY NIGHTMARE RATING 10/10. Don't be smart, call the SKY engineer.

 

I was tasked with putting up some flat packed furniture at work...


I was relieved of my duty almost instantly by a tom-boy-esque girl, after she saw me toss away the instructions with casual disregard, and stare at the incomprehensibly put-together-able pieces...


My dad didn't let me help with DIY after I cut through my finger while slicing a chicken burger in half... Never hold it from underneath people... rookie error...

 

Unless you get the sky engineer who came to my house half cut, and proceeded to tell her indoors they were not allowed to drill through internal walls and would have to run the cable straight across a door thresh across the laminate floor. I got in tanked after being out for the match and was not impressed. I could not bring myself to speak to her following her meek stupidity! I rang Sky the next day and had quite a frank discussion with a polite but uneducated and unhelpful young lady. She was adamant no one would becoming out. I asked to speak to the manager and said "are you actually near a computer? what is your email?" I proceeded to send an email with pics attached under the title "4 Words for you: f**king Health and Safety" (I'd lost my cool at this point as I needed a target for the anger I was unable to release on my good lady) They rang me back 2mins later and said "Our chief engineer will be with you tomorrow, we won't charge you for the first 3 months"

I might still have the pics somewhere, honestly you would not believe the crazy scene I walked in to.

 

DIY NIGHTMARE RATING 7/10. Always leave the flat pack unpacking and construction to someone else.

 

Send me those pics Moyesy, I will use the same ploy to get three months off Sky as well

 

I'll keep quiet about if for 20%.

 

Your not very ambitious, AB. Only 20%?

 

I'm not greedy.

 

yes as I use to be a satellite engineers ( not sky ) I know there methods of the term standard installation ..they wont go in lofts even go on your roof .. internal walls .hide cables .. etc god knows why they carry roof ladders ..think its just for show.

 

I once 'drilled' holes for a coat rail to be hung up.... but didn't realise that I'd drilled right through the plasterboard into the next room

 

lol get the filla oot .

 

DIY NIGHTMARE RATING 6/10. Oooops, use the newell post at the bottom of your stairs for draping your coat on.

 

A good mat of mine drilled a hole with a totally over-sized drill-bit for the job in hand and drilled straight into the back of the fuse box. Sent him flying. Lucky to have survived it the nutter.

Meanwhile, I had a flat pack schoolboy error style embarrassment. We had a new dining room cabinet. One of those big ones with the chest/drawers at the bottom and glass-fronted displays on top. I assembled it in the lounge, where there was far more room and the bugger took me about 3 hours to put together. The wife was ripping the piss out of me for taking so long to work it out. Her sense of humour disappeared when we both tried to move it into the dining room, only to find it was too bloody big to get through the door. I had to dismantle it, move all the parts into the dining room and start again in a totally cramped space.

On a similar flat pack display, I had worked out the size of the wardrobes we needed in the kids' rooms and tis time, being smart, i assembled them in the appropriate rooms. However, after all my extremely careful measuring I finally realised that getting the damn thing from lying down on the floor (which is how the instructions showed it should be assembled) into an upright position was impossible due to the angle. I hadn't allowed for the 'clearance space' (i.e. the front at the bottom was wedged at the floor, while the top back was stuck against the ceiling and I couldn't move the thing). Again, I had to dismantle and re-assemble it in an upright position - which was almost physically impossible due to the way the instructions were laid out.

 

DIY rating 1/10 for trying.

 

I don't think you are in a position to rate anybody else's DIY skills, with your split finger nail and laddered stockings.

 

You been peeking again?

 

Seeing as he's too shy to mention it, I know that Tash's biggest DIY nightmare was when his mum walked in on him.

 

When we bought our first house the fireplace looked liked a pryamid. So first thing we did was to take it out. While doing this we got talking to our new neighbour and I said we were taking the awful fireplace out,only for him to say he had built it.

 

Classic!

 

Last night I dreamt I was building a classic car, when I woke up this morning I'd only got the horn.