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an irish joke which might be funny here goes

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by jonathan acworth 71, Feb 12, 2014.

  1. Mick O'Toon

    Mick O'Toon Well-Known Member

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    I agree and the same jokes can even become provincial but if it's good then I may even use it as in my St Patricks joke(above) which a english fella told me years ago.
     
    #21
  2. RAVENBLACK

    RAVENBLACK Well-Known Member

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    Tarquin lives in the most English City in Britain.
     
    #22
  3. Null

    Null Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Paddy n Mick driving down the road...

    "Paddy, can you go outside n check if my indicator is working"

    "To be sure Mick"

    Mick stops the car and Paddy gets out...

    "Now its working, now it's not, Now its working, now it's not,Now its working, now it's not, Now its working, now it's not, Now its working, now it's not"
     
    #23
  4. A.L.D.O 4.1

    A.L.D.O 4.1 1 of the top defendants in Europe

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    Witchoo call a 24 hour Irishman ?

    Audie Murphy

    Wit do call an Irishman at university ?

    The janitor

    Wit do you call an irish electrician ?

    Shaun Dileer

    How do you confuse an Irish man ?

    Put three spades up against a wall and ask him to take his pick .

    Paddy goes for a job as a brickie on a building site and the site agent asks him to build a wall to see if he's any good.

    Half an hour later the agent goes to see how Paddy is getting on and finds him building the ****iest wall he has ever seen

    **** sake Paddy he says Thats the ****iest wall I ever seen . Yer not getting a job on this site sonny.

    Paddy replies . Och yer arse , why dis very site has a worse wall dan dis one .

    Impossible says the agent .

    If oi show ye a worse wall than this one will ye give me a job says Paddy .

    I will says the agent thinking that there could never be a worse specimen of brickery .

    Paddy takes him round the corner and lo and behold there is a wall even worse than Paddys .

    For **** sake says the agent you were right . Wit eejit built this monstrosity ?

    Paddy says ....me ;)
     
    #24
  5. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    What, cheltenham?
     
    #25
  6. Cruyff's Turn

    Cruyff's Turn Well-Known Member

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    Paddy goes for a job as a labourer on a London building site.The foreman says "You seem Ok Paddy but I need to check that you know about building,I am going to ask you a question" "OK"says Paddy,"Go ahead" the foreman says "What's the difference between a joist and a girder?" "That's easy" Says Paddy "Geothe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysees"
     
    #26

  7. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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    A guy goes for a job as a blacksmith. The interviewer asks him if he's ever shoed a horse. He says, 'No. But I once told a donkey to **** off.'
     
    #27
  8. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    I got attacked by a bull in Goa. True story.
     
    #28
  9. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    Did it have the horn?
     
    #29
  10. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    <laugh>

    Thankfully it wisny being amorous. I was minding my own business at a bus stop when the ****er seemed to take a dislike to me for no reason.
     
    #30
  11. Rubber Johnny

    Rubber Johnny Well-Known Member

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    Did ye hae oan a reed tap that day?
     
    #31
  12. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Ah stuck the heid on the ****. Problem solved. There aren't many problems that can't be solved by sticking the heid on some ****.
     
    #32
  13. Hugh Briss

    Hugh Briss Well-Known Member

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    An Englishman, an Irishman & a Scotsman walk into a pub.

    The Landlord says: "Is this some sort of joke?"
     
    #33
  14. DevAdvocate

    DevAdvocate Gigging bassist

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    Paddy goes for a job as a lumberjack and the boss tells him if he can cut down 100 trees in a day he's hired.

    At the end of the first day Paddy tells the boss he could only manage 50. The Boss says "Sorry Paddy, that's nowhere near good enough, i'll give you another chance tomorrow though".

    Next day Paddy tells the boss he only managed 60. The Boss says "Sorry Paddy, that's no good I need a 100 trees a day but i'll give you another chance tomorrow, last chance".

    Next day paddy says to the Boss "Sure I could only manage 75, this Chainsaw's rubbish" and he throws it to the ground. As he throws it it starts up and Paddy shouts "What the ****'s dat noise?"
     
    #34
  15. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    One of the oldest Roman jokes, which is based on a fictitious story and survived alive to this time, is told by Macrobius in his Saturnalia:[1] (4th century AD, but the joke itself is probably several centuries older):
    Some provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the streets was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks:
    -Tell me, young man, did your mother come to Rome anytime?
    The reply was:
    -She never has. But my father frequently was here.
     
    #35
  16. DevAdvocate

    DevAdvocate Gigging bassist

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    Paddy goes for a interview to be a Detective and the DCI says to him "First I want to see how intelligent you are, i'll start with some general knowledge"

    Who killed Jesus?
    " Asks the DCI.

    Paddy says "To be sure I don't know". The DCI sighs and says sarcastically "Well go away and when you find out be sure and let me know".

    Paddy leaves and goes to the Pub where his mate asks him how he got on at his interview "****ing brilliant" says Paddy, "I'm on a murder case already"
     
    #36
  17. DevAdvocate

    DevAdvocate Gigging bassist

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    The Romans did'nt have Chainsaws.
     
    #37
  18. Hash.

    Hash. pure daycent

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    wtf Toby its neither funny nor irish
     
    #38

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