2 irish men arive in london one says to the other lets put on a english accent and go in and buy those cheap clothes in that shop over their" whilst loading the van the shop keeper comes out and says your irish arnet you? the 2 blokes turn to him and say how did u know that? well u have just loaded your van with clothes from the laundrette boom boom
There's quite a good one about Paddy and Mike fishing: Paddy is holding Mike by the ankels over the side of a bridge. After a while Mike shouts "lift me up, lift me up!". Paddy asks "Have you caught something?". Mike says "no, there's a train coming".
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road when Mick falls down an open manhole. Paddy shouts "Mick did ye break anything!". "Naw", says Mick, "there's nothin doon here". Ba-Dom-tsh
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy says, "In the car." Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."
What did St Patrick say to the snakes when he was driving them out of the country? "Are ye alright in the back there lads"
My grandfather knew someone who lived next door to a man who liked Guinness, so I find these 'jokes' incredibly offensive.
A distinguished scientist, during his lunchtime stroll, was watching Paddy and Mick slowly manoeuvring a large sewer pipe into position and somehow with much swearing and grunting, managing to get it connected. As they sighed with relief the scientist said " I have been watching you chaps there achieving your goal; I too connect things in my work, but I work to inaccuracies of less than one hundredth of a millimetre!" Paddy looked at Mick and said "Sure that'd be **** all use to us; we have to be bang on"
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand. Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"
The thing about 'Irish' jokes ... at least the ones that don't rely on pronunciation etc is that they are reflected in other parts of the world at other nationalities .. e.g in the US at the Poles in South Africa it used to be the boers ... Ones I've heard in the US 2 Poles went hunting - as they were driving to the forest they saw a road sign "Bear Left" ... so they went home ... 2 Poles out walking - one suddenly exclaims "Oh look, a dead bird" the other looks skywards and says "where?" ... they are all just generalisations with little base in any facts other than perhaps some thinly disguised bigotry in terms of their origin ... I'm of Irish ancestry but have never personally felt offended by Irish jokes ... indeed, sometimes they make me smile, purely at the daftness, not because I think they are apposite ...
Because I don't have Irish ancestry you ****in spasticated *****. Isn't it time you went outside and drowned. England no more.
