If I was to ever run out of bog roll (never happened) I would simply go continental, which is jumping in the shower and scrubbing my ring sparkly clean.
I actually use forceps to collect the **** 'at source' before it reaches the anal canal, hence, no need for cloths or paper.
Until your drain is clogged with dried **** and one day when you're taking an ordinary shower it all starts seeping up through the drain like brown, ****-smelling jelly.
Turns out East Kilbride isn't as bad as ****s thought http://www.urbanrealm.com/blogs/index.php/2010/07/09/polo-mint-city?blog=16 The town centre is a monstrosity though, surprised nothing is said about it