1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Clarts

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by fredor, Jan 27, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 1 of 2
  1. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    Today we have had another day of heavy rain and while in Australia we do not have CLARTS my back garden is looking very similar in consistency also it sticks to and adds weight to my wellies in the same way could anyone offer any advice on how I can ascertain if in fact it is the same thing <confused><confused>
     
    #1
    fredor, Jan 27, 2014
  2. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    17,472
    Likes Received:
    9,040
    Best thing to do Fredor is get your missus and her sister to do a bit of naked mud wrestling in your back garden. Get a hose pipe and a good size paddling pool with plenty of carts in it and let them thrash away for at least half an hour whilst taking snaps of their clarty encounter.

    Then post the pics on here for the lads. We'll then comment on the eh, clarts.
     
    #2
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jan 27, 2014
  3. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    74,196
    Likes Received:
    40,420
    The best way to check is to pop a pair of undies on your head, a pencil up each nostril, pop a bikini on and lay on the mud for at least 12 hours, taking photos for us all to asess.
     
    #3
    Albert's Chip Shop, Jan 27, 2014
  4. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    37,088
    Likes Received:
    12,616
    Fredor is 83. You are sick Dorty, seek help.
     
    #4
    Warmir Pouchov, Jan 27, 2014
  5. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    17,472
    Likes Received:
    9,040
    I'm not called Dorty for nothing :D

    Fredor could play some Muddy Waters in the background as well.
     
    #5
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jan 27, 2014
  6. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    47,442
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Prefer Dorty Mag's idea.
     
    #6
    Agent Bruce, Jan 27, 2014
  7. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    Know what Dort I wouldn't mind betting that you could trip over a cordless phone
     
    #7
    fredor, Jan 27, 2014
  8. Sammy's Silky Skills

    Sammy's Silky Skills Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2011
    Messages:
    2,754
    Likes Received:
    2,083
    You still here?

    Why do you never post on your own board?
     
    #8
    Sammy's Silky Skills, Jan 27, 2014
  9. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    74,196
    Likes Received:
    40,420
    He's clearly a mag on a wum trip.
     
    #9
    Albert's Chip Shop, Jan 27, 2014
  10. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    17,472
    Likes Received:
    9,040
    I'm honoured. Fredor has just used his best line on me <I'm so hurting>
     
    #10
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jan 27, 2014

  11. Heed

    Heed well known cheat

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2011
    Messages:
    6,734
    Likes Received:
    2,949

    as requested, the Fredors' mud wrestling this morning in the back garden.

    [video=youtube;a0BdPLjhJko]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=a0BdPLjhJko[/video]


    the clip is originally from Duran Duran - Girls on Film
    Fredor may be the one with the hosepipe near the end.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaC4XelzXMQ
     
    #11
    Heed, Jan 27, 2014
  12. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    17,472
    Likes Received:
    9,040
    That old fart Fredor will have a heart attack watching that :grin:
     
    #12
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jan 27, 2014
  13. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    74,196
    Likes Received:
    40,420
    It's nearly wake up time for Fredor....
    He'll be on here soon.
     
    #13
    Albert's Chip Shop, Jan 27, 2014
  14. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    That from a Vichy Newcastle supporter
     
    #14
    fredor, Jan 28, 2014
  15. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    Your behind must get jealous of your mouth at times
     
    #15
    fredor, Jan 28, 2014
  16. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    74,196
    Likes Received:
    40,420
    Hey Fredor, here's your shop in Pennywell:

    please log in to view this image
     
    #16
    Albert's Chip Shop, Jan 28, 2014
  17. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    No Pic
     
    #17
    fredor, Jan 28, 2014
  18. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    Got Picture is that photoshop or real
     
    #18
    fredor, Jan 28, 2014
  19. fredor

    fredor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,040
    Likes Received:
    535
    Fredor pic.jpg

    And you can get these with cheese
     
    #19
    fredor, Jan 28, 2014
  20. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    42,727
    Likes Received:
    29,653
    The best way to determine whether it's clarts or kangaroo turd is to taste it Fredor. <ok>
     
    #20
    Obi Wan, Jan 28, 2014
Page 1 of 2
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page