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The really good jokes thread

Discussion in 'Manchester United' started by HRH Custard VC, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. Swarbs

    Swarbs Well-Known Member
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    What do you give a sick lemon?

    Lemonade

    What do you give a sick parrot?

    Tweetment

    What do you give a sick dog?

    A lethal injection
     
    #21
  2. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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    Paddy goes into a builders yard and orders 20,000 bricks.
    "May I ask what you're building?"
    Asks the man behind the counter.
    "Yes," replies Paddy,"it's going to be a barbecue."
    "That's a lot of bricks for one barbecue," says the man.
    Paddy says,"Not really,I live on the 18th floor!"
     
    #22
  3. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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    40 Scousers arrive at the Pearly Gates.St.
    Peter consults with God and says to them,"We've only got room for 12 of you so you'll have to decide amongst yourselves who comes into the house of the lord."
    5 minutes later St.Peter says to God,"I don't believe it,they've gone!"
    God says,"What,all 40 of them?"
    St.Peter says,"No,the ****ing gates!"
     
    #23
  4. johnnyquango

    johnnyquango Member

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    i went a wife swap party the other night and started to take this bird from behind ,while this bloke was getting a blow job.when he looked up it was my dad?**** you you dirty basterd ,how can you cheat on my mum after all these years.im not it is your mum......****
     
    #24
  5. johnnyquango

    johnnyquango Member

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    i heared tom daley was a diver?not
     
    #25
  6. Gazautd

    Gazautd Active Member

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    Danny Wellbecks 80min vs Everton..
     
    #26
  7. TheOXOCube:5pur2

    TheOXOCube:5pur2 Pride of North London

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  8. glazerfodder

    glazerfodder Well-Known Member

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    David Moyes will be a great manager for our club...................................... the old ones are the best
     
    #28
  9. Open

    Open Member

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    The whole "6 year contract" for Moyes is a pretty sick joke
     
    #29
  10. theevilreddevil

    theevilreddevil Well-Known Member

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    Sad news about Nelson Mandela, thought he was brilliant in Bruce Almighty.
     
    #30

  11. johnnyquango

    johnnyquango Member

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    te hee
     
    #31
  12. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Michael Barrymore is said to be delighted that Tom Daly has come out and admitted he's gay. He's made up he's found someone who likes it up the arse and can swim as well <laugh>
     
    #32
  13. Diego

    Diego Lone Ranger

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    Paddy and Murphy were walking past the forestry departments office when they read a sign that said "tree men wanted", paddy turns to Murphy and say`s " Jeasus if Sean was with us we could have applied for that job".
     
    #33
  14. Diego

    Diego Lone Ranger

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    Of a similar style,

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
    depends how hard you throw em.
     
    #34

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