Note to all Scousers: Only 21 shoplifting days left until Christmas. ------- BREAKING NEWS: UK's best diver comes out as gay. Ashley Young didn't take my supportive text too well. --------- Poor Tom Daley... All those years of training to avoid touching the bottom completely gone to waste. --------- The Rolling Stones made me fail my chemistry exam. Jumpin' Jack Flash is not a gas.
Whats six inches long with a big red head that makes my girlfriend cry when i feed it to her? Her miscarriage..
What's the only thing worse than a pile of dead babies? The live one in the middle trying to eat its way out
I was shopping in town the other day when I suddenly coughed a bit of phlegm up and sneezed at the same time. Then a scouser appeared from no where and said 'yeah not bad mate how you'
I always thought the word sorry was the hardest thing to say. Unless you are Chinese in which case it is squirrel.
I ended up getting myself arrested last night and at the police station, the copper said I had one phone call. So, I rang my mum at work. Hopefully, £43 on a premium-rate chat line 'mature sluts' will show up on their phone bill.
Beeriod: n. Thrice weekly malady suffered by men after a night out on the lash. Symptoms include headache, mood swings and a tender bloated stomach. "Leave me alone woman. My beeriod started this morning". Some bloke's just hit me over the head with a ****ing power tool! I was minding my own business, and then out of the blue.....Bosch!!!
A man walks into a bar. And says "ow". Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"
