An easy mistake to make! I'll be out of commission for a while. Today, I was beaten up by a woman. I was in the lift when a busty young lady got in. I couldn't help staring at her boobs. Then she said, "Would you please press 1?" So I did. I don't remember much after that. The doctor estimated recovery time will be 4 to 6 weeks.
Anyone know how to make picks bigger? Dave you seem to be able to do it. Don't want to faff about in photoshop etc Cheers Scully
The Lone Ranger's Last Request The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days." "Before we kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?' The Lone Ranger said, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nodded and Silver was brought before the Lone Ranger who whispered in Silver's ear, and the horse galloped away. Later that evening, Silver returned with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watched, the blonde entered the Lone Ranger's tent and spent the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admitted that he was impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse," but we will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request?" The Lone Ranger again asked to speak to his horse. Silver came to him, and he again whispered in the horse's ear. As before, Silver took off and disappeared over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returned, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She entered the Lone Ranger's tent and spent the night. The following morning the Indian Chief said: "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But we will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request?" The Lone Ranger responded, "I'd like to speak to my horse - alone." The Chief was curious, but he agreed, and Silver was brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they were alone, the Lone Ranger grabbed Silver by both ears, looked him square in the eye and said, Listen Very Carefully! FOR...THE...LAST...TIME... "BRING POSSE!"
Post an image from url, before you paste the url in the box, remove the green tick in the little box just below it, then paste url and post quick reply!
I always post from url with no problem, if you right click on the image you want then left click on copy image url, then post using url!
Not sure that these pictures constitute fun, more just unbelievable shots in the category 'Only in America' - the latest batch of Walmartians. http://beartales.me/2013/01/14/the-latest-crop-of-walmartians/
Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be open new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What's tha sellin' 'ere lads?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes." Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, "Tha's doing well ..........................Tha's nobbut got two left!" The moral for Southerners - Don't mess with Yorkshiremen!!!
The maid ask for a raise ...which upsets the wife. She asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Maria: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I cook better food than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Maria: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The third reason is that I f*ck better than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Late one evening in the 80s I was on the tube going home. The carriage was fairly full and everyone was quiet apart from two pissed, braying yuppies in suits (remember them?) who were talking loudly, not caring who heard them. Their conversation got round to Liverpool and one of them said, "I've been to Liverpool. It's the arsehole of the universe." At which point someone elsewhere in the carriage said, in an equally loud Scouse voice, said, "Just passing through, were you?" The whole carriage erupted with laughter. The yuppies got off at the next stop.
Honesty is the best policy.... Jan, Sue, and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school. They rediscover each other via Friends Reunited and arrange to meet for lunch. Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine. Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane and Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Portugal. Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University, studied to become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy. Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Mark. They run a tropical bird park in Essex and grow their own vegetables. Mark can stand five parrots, side by side, on his erect penis. Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco, they live in a small apartment in Bromley and have a caravan parked on the front drive. Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nursing care assistants in an old people's home. They live in Peckham and take camping holidays in Kent. Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.
