Where is Jonas Gutierrez?

Question.

Him being out has been a key for our recent good form I'm sure.

 

I think he is locked in Pardews bedroom after a love spat.

 

Gouffran has made the LM role his own.

He's basically a Jonas clone but an advanced version. He works just as hard for the team as Jonas but is quicker, gets more goals and offers more offensively in general.

At this moment in time Jonas would have a hard time making the first 11. Having said that he'd be the perfect sub for when Gouffran has ran himself in to the ground for 70 minutes as he his better defensively than all of our wide players.

 

Are you suggesting that Jonas should be challenging Obertan for his role? That's blasphemy!

 

18 Jonas Gutierrez MID Argentinean Sáenz Peña 05.07.1983 Unavailable Retained 06.2015.

Nothing other than this about Jonas on NUFC.com

 

Drug-running in mexico

 

After a freak fishing accident which left him horribly disfigured and an outcast in today's sexualised society, Jonas Oliver Sweetcheeks Gutierrez took leave from our shores under cover of darkness and assumed the identity of a Bolivian Pirate, Esteban Princess Palms Munez, he happened across on traversing the Atlantic. The duel apparently lasted a week because both were reluctant and pretty poor at shooting.

Under his new guise he turned the Clandestine Mermen Gang into prosperous coral pickers, though he almost sold them all to the sex trade in a bizarre and drunken poker evening on board the De Maria El Santo Espaghetti Bolognese.

About this time he found a lover who could come to terms with his hideous features, even in the shimmering moonlight, for she had an infamously ugly husband who I shalln't shame by naming. Mrs Ashley and Esteban grew closer as Cool South American winter drew in, and bathed in each other's arms as they grew in trust and love. Unfortunately she choked on his moustache and died a painful death (beware this cautionary tale this movember).

Now he dances on the sands in Rio. Naked. Crying, always crying... FACT

 

Ah....that would explain why he wasn't on the bench against Spurs.

I thought there must have been some obscure, far fetched reason behind his non appearance instead of a perfectly simple explanation.....

 

doing Gillette ads

 

Jonas should be in the squad ahead of Obertan who is proven to be useless.

 

I bought all of it....until I remembered Rio is in BRAZIL, not ARGENTINA. Shoddy, shoddy work. For shame.

 

Look forward to his return. He'd be a good option at present. If you had him and HBA on the bench, you have both types of options wide should you need to make a change. He could be really beneficial as Gouf tends to gas out at around 70mins as he puts in an almighty shift most games. When away or under the cosh, he could really shore things up. You then have HBA when you're chasing (particularly at home when teams park the bus)

Obviously though these family issues are pretty serious given how long he has been missing for. Wish him the best, good pro.

 

And waving surely?

 

Definitely waving.

 

This annoys me. How many other clubs let 2 players fly half way around the world for 'personal reasons'.

I guess he is still drawing a wage?

 

He does have a special relationship with Pards so I guess he will be.

 

Showing compassion is the mark of a good employer. I'm sure Jonas will pay us back in time, he's a good bloke. Even if he is turd at crossing the ball.

 

I wish my work would let me go to argintina for 'personal reasons', with pay!! Mike Ashley is a super understanding boss

 

Have you got your job application in?