After hurricane Jude hit Luton, the council believe that the damage could be in the region of £20 million worth of improvements.
"Just like that!" for the 21st Century. Got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind. Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think. Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40. A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche... Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon. Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka! In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead. An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! Itâs doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!! Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?! Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour! My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
You might hear from Maestro on that last one, that was his signature for years, I'm not sure it's out of copyright yet!
Love it. Shall be using it myself from now on when people say to me, like they did all last summer- ' s'pose you'll be going in for the Paralympics then? ha-ha! My previuos reply was basically ' f**k off, look at me, I'm 59!' This one is much better- I'll tell 'em I'm banned. Cheers, Scully!
Just to cheer us up when we've had a bad day... then you step outside of your house... and look up into the beautiful blue sky... â¦and see this!!!!! All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself âNow that's one big ass balloon!!!â â¦and things don't seem quite so bad!
Fireworks display, Glasgow style - a tad rude, but clever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSJ5PgUx0Zg
I see that there has been a controversy at the Scrabble World Championships - a player has been sent off for a very bad vowel....
I do often repeat myself...though this time I've no idea what happened except that not 606 stopped functioning when I was trying to post this...
