Ways of dealing with colleagues at work who totally piss you off?

I work in a large open plan office. Maybe about 40-50 people.

Most of them are HUGELY unattractive women, 3-4 homersexual guys, couple of ordinary decent blokes, and maybe 3-4 doable burdz.

Thing is, I reckon about 5-6 of this lot (c 10% or so) totally do my ****ing nut in.

Anyone got any coping strategies for dealing with these cants? How can I exact my revenge?

Answers on a postcard...

 

Walk past them when they are chatting and fart quietly, then watch as they give each other shifty looks

 

Get another job?

 

a lump hammer to the back of the neck ?

or you could put on the safety gloves stereo wears* and papercut the ****s to death

 

Your gay obsession about me is getting scary.

 

I recommend one of those remote control fart machines. You can pick them up pretty cheaply on Amazon. Just hide the device in the vicinity of your target's desk and you can let rip at will from a safe distance.

 

True but with my technique they have to smell your farts, definitely a bonus

 

i wasnt even going to mention you today but i saw you bringin me into some thread earlier , so infact it is your gay obsession

 

Beastly child!

I was thinking of maybe coming in early (or staying late) and putting their family photos through the shredder...

 

Lightfoot

Watch out for this sword ****. He takes a fancy to other posters then starts them.

He once even posted a thread showing me how to dress gay in the hope that I would feel the same way about him as he does about me. Poor bastard.

 

Both approaches have their merits. With the machine you have better control over timing and you can do it as often as you like. You're also out of range of suspicion.

 

"I'll try anything once except....."

Awww shoite. What was it Mark Twain said? Ah cannae mind. It'll be on Google or sumthin, but I cannae be arsed looking ...

 

Do any of them have a dog?

 

I think a mix of both approaches would be perfect. Start with the real fart next to them to make them wary of each other, then victimise one of them with the fart machine to make it look like it's him/her the culprit. Repeat until they have all resigned in shame

 

Buy them all cup-a-soups and put roofies in them, then bedlam ensues hangover style!!

 

American ****.

 

Racist

 

You could use these ****s as a basis to improve your philosophical approach to life, and channel all your negative energy into being a more positive soul and start to feel sorry for them. After all you are a fantastic bastard.

<budda>

 

Wait till "Bring your shotgun to work day" and go postal on their asses.

 

Get a bird to claim that a bloke groped her up the corridor.