Breaking news-urgent appeal earthquake in sunderland.

Earthquake in Sunderland.

As you are probably aware a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale struck Sunderland in the early hours. At the epicenter in Pennywell, victims were seen roaming around aimlessly muttering “wheeys keeys are these?”. The earthquake decimated the entire area causing about 30 quid worth of damage. Several priceless collections of ashtrays from the Balearics and Tenerife were damaged beyond repair.

Three historic areas of burnt out cars, some over seven years old were disturbed. Many locals were awoken before their Giro's arrived. The Sunderland Echo reported that hundreds of locals were confused, bewildered and still trying to come to terms with the loss of Ladbrokes.

One resident a Miss Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of six said "It was a shock to my little Diamond White. She came into my room crying and put me and Winston off our stroke but my youngest two Job Lot and Aldi Primark luckily slept through it all. I was still shaking whilst watching Jeremy Kyle the next day".

Apparently looting, mugging and car crime did carry on as normal. The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of lager into the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings including Benefit Books, jewellery by Elizabeth Duke at Argos and finest bone china from Mad Harry's.

*HOW CAN YOU HELP?*

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothes parcels for those caught up in the disaster. Clothing is urgently needed and amongst the most sought after items are;

• Fila or Burberry Baseball Caps

• Kappa Tracksuit Tops (his and hers)

• Adidas Trackie Bottoms 3/4 length,

• White Socks

• Rockport Boots

• and anything else from the Donnay shop

Food parcels must take into consideration local tastes and should include Micro Meals, Pot Noodles, Baked Beanz, Super Noodles, Sausage Rolls and Greggs pasties for the babies. Special brew or Thunderbird would also be gratefully received.
Every little helps. Remember:

• 22p buys a biro to help fill in a compensation form
• £2.00 buys cheesy chips and blue Panda pop for a family of nine
• £5.00 buys 20 B&H and a box of Swan Vestas to calm the nerves of a grieving ten year old

Please don't send tents for shelter as the sight of posh accommodation is unfair on the residents of Hendon and Southwick.


THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

 

That's class!

 

Been done thousands of times about thousands of places. Well done though.

 

Clearly Bri is right but that is pretty funny!

 

Think I first read it directed at Glaswegians. It is funny how it's adapted for each area

 

I remember that line from Ashes To Ashes

"We're looking for someone with a criminal record. That could be most people in this room or everyone in Sunderland"

 

Missed that line.

Hoping to be in Sunderland myself on the 27th Oct.

 

Problem is CDGH that they could have just picked the name 'Sunderland' out of a hat because as far as most of the country who don't venture north of the midlands are concerned everywhere above Leicester is a ****-hole full of scroungers and criminals.

 

Agent Bruce. Last series, third (or maybe second episode) if I recall correctly.

 

Hardly ever have the box on, prefer being on the forum.

 

Originals still the best though eh?
£5 for a pack of 20 B&H and a box of matches shows the age of it though. That must be trade price these days?
I remember someone at school with a knock off Kappa tracksuit where the people were facing each other.

 

Never gets old when its about our six fingered friends. They are the only thing that cheered me up in recent history watching our pathetic bunch. They just refuse to allow us to have the tag of laughing stock.

 

Think we're both wearing that tag my friend. The rate we're both going they'll be on our toes

 

We're only two wins above them at the moment, better not crow too early or it could come back to bite us.

 

Hardly crowing describing us as a laughing stock They just give me entertainment our bunch of gutless wonders can't. Long season ahead for both clubs with the squads we have and the respective shambles off the pitch. Both clubs are rotten at the core. The derby is gonna be battle of the **** hawks. The thing I think they'll do us because they'll get stuck in and we'll cry off!

 

Ashes to ashes, what a programme loved it

 

Apparently the people of Ethiopia are having a rock concert to help the aid effort too.....



The Mackems normally have multi threads on us so this one is allowed I reckon. Bravo sir.

 

This.

'I'm as nervous as a nun at a penguin shoot'

 

That's a bad habit.

 

But still a black and white one