"Supporting Newcastle is like....." An analogy.

You know what, going to a Newcastle game is a bit like, booking a meal a Gordon Ramsey restaurant, turning up being asked to pay in advance, sitting down and ordering the best fillet steak with all the trimmings, waiting with anticipation for it to be served, being shocked when they slap down in front of you a ****ty burger that is 90% horsemeat with some McCain oven chips. You complain and want your money back, but all they say is F**K OFF, you paid for it now so there is nowt you can do about it and all the staff laugh their tits off at you stupidity!!!!

Feel free to add your own analogies..

 

It's like being a drug addict and your dealer is a hate figure who laughs in your face every time you buy off him.

 

Wouldn't know, never bought any.

 

bungee jumping blindfold into a shark tank while not being sure if the rope's too long

 

Supporting Newcastle is like sitting an endless exam that you will never pass.

 

Its like every week I take the same pretty girl out on the town. Every week I spend a small fortune. I wine her and dine her while she whispers rudely in my ear of the great time we're going to have when we get back to her place. Later, full of anticipation and hope I follow her to her front door, only to have it slammed it in my face. Every week I hope it will be different, but every week its the same. Every week I trudge home alone in the rain with a cold bag of chips, none the bloody wiser.
Howay The Bloody Lads.

 

...............being promised the best blow job of all time, only to receive a toothy scraping nightmare

 

Supporting Newcastle is like paying someone £40 every week without knowing if they're going to give you a crate of Brown ale or a punch in the face. Even though you fully expect the punch in the face every single time, you do it again next week.

 

Supporting Newcastle is "like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Lately, they've been the nasty coconut crème ones, but I remember the toffee filled ones and keep hoping that I get one of those.

 

The box is always empty by the time it gets to me.

 

...is like my other half asking if i would like tea or coffee, which i reply tea and she comes back with coffee. I ****ing hate coffee and she still asks us.

 

...buying technological products. By the time you've bought it there's a new and improved model out which makes what you've got look shoddy. Plus most of the time you don't quite know how to use all the features it has, but other people can make the same products do things you don't know how to!

 

Supporting Newcastle is like an old lady being trapped in a room with me. You know a horrible f***ing will ensue sonner or later, only the hardcore fans will watch (through barely parted fingers) because the neutrals will find it distasteful, and those fans will only bemoan the lazy movements and lack of passion...







At least with the old lady scenario I am guaranteed a happy ending... or six.

 

Oh yeah... and we're going down... Basically my analogy is the best

 

I bet you a half time hot dog that we aren't.

 

I like the fact that you move from "Old lady sex" to "going down" within a matter of mins, I think we now all know where your sexual desires are!!

 

Is like masterbation.

Sure sometimes it can feel great, and you can even get excited by it. Bit ultimately it leads to a let down and your only doing it because its in your nature.

 

going to use a poo analogy since we are utter ****e at the moment.

Supporting Newcastle is like thinking you need a massive poo, spending 10 minutes on the can and nothing coming. Supporting Newcastle this past few weeks has been like straining too much and getting hemorrhoids.

 

At the moment its like having not one but several tumours to the brain.

 

I don't get this one. You're doing it all wrong mate, ****ing is great