The funniest jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe. 1. Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa." 2. Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying." 3. Alfie Moore - "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same." 4. Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'." 5. Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell." 6. Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men." 7. Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost." <pud> 8. Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter." 9. Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance." 10. Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."
I'd imagine the festival was quieter this year as most of the usual punters were in nigelshire attending the anti-fracking protests.
These jokes are always ****e. Notice that all of them are clean or risque at most. Considering some of the comedians that play the festival to think they're the best jokes is bullshit.
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet and tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife's from Scotland."
I've just thought of one which could have made the list: Took the family for a day out, we went to see a dog in a cage. It was a **** zoo. Can you do better?
Read this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-23581503 This is the last paragraph
FFS. The joke isn't even ****ing funny anyway. If anything it's remotely racist. (Not that I actually care about that, a joke is a ****ing joke)
