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Best Man Speech Jokes

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Mick, Jul 25, 2013.

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  1. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Pud advertising himself for a best man gig <laugh>
     
    #21
    Gambol, Jul 25, 2013
  2. Null

    Null Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    That actually happened ... my old mate was a dumb ****!

    He once phoned my house from a phone box and asked "where ur ye"!!

    Another cracker ... conversation startrer out the blue in the pub "imagine ye woke up deid!"
     
    #22
    Null, Jul 25, 2013
  3. Bib Fortuna's Maw

    Bib Fortuna's Maw Well-Known Member

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    I've got my first ever best man gig in November.

    How I'm gonna make folk laugh without being out of order in some way is beyond me at the minute.

    I might just take some hedgehogs with me, feed them some milk with a cheeky microdot slipped in and watch them trip themselves to death.

    Everyone will like that, surely <ok>
     
    #23
    Bib Fortuna's Maw, Jul 25, 2013
  4. Magic Laudrup 11

    Magic Laudrup 11 Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    My two brothers are my best men for next year. My wee brother will definitely bottle it <laugh> I'll do my speech after him, probably starting with "Wow, how can I follow an act like that".

    My older brother has a good line "Good to see our gran making one of her rare public appearances. Can I just ask that anyone sitting at the same table as her, no matter how much she asks, please do not explain any of my jokes to her".
     
    #24
    Magic Laudrup 11, Jul 25, 2013
  5. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    I was my big brother's best man when I was 19. I was ****in brickin it. Started out with a joke, canny mind what, and nobody laughed. Flop sweat. Stumbled and mumbled through the rest of it. Nightmare.

    I've given speeches at occasions, also public talks, since. Once you're a bit older it's a doddle, but as a kid it's terrifying.
     
    #25
    Gambol, Jul 25, 2013
  6. Erik

    Erik Well-Known Member

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    You've got to get, "one swallow doesn't make a summer, but it does suggest she might be worth keeping" in there
     
    #26
    Erik, Jul 25, 2013

  7. Thomas The Cat

    Thomas The Cat Well-Known Member

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    I decided against telling punch line because cot death ain't funny.
     
    #27
    Thomas The Cat, Jul 25, 2013
  8. Magic Laudrup 11

    Magic Laudrup 11 Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    My wee brother turns 18 in October and I couldn't imagine him speaking in public <laugh>
     
    #28
    Magic Laudrup 11, Jul 25, 2013
  9. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Don't make the poor wee sod do it. <laugh>
     
    #29
    Gambol, Jul 25, 2013
  10. Magic Laudrup 11

    Magic Laudrup 11 Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    He's got to now. When I told him he would be best man he greeted <doh> He deserves the public humiliation for that alone <laugh>
     
    #30
    Magic Laudrup 11, Jul 25, 2013
  11. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    <laugh>.
     
    #31
    Gambol, Jul 25, 2013
  12. Hugh Briss

    Hugh Briss Well-Known Member

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    What sort of bullshit is this?

    If the best man bottles it then he is a **** and a *****.

    He shouldn't have been given the job in the first place - the irony of giving the 'best man' job to a ****y *****loid is pretty daft to say the least.

    No, I smell bullshit here.

    Mick in desperate for thread material shame.

    On yer bike, fraudster! <grr>
     
    #32
    Hugh Briss, Jul 25, 2013
  13. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

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    <laugh>

    Mick in well known bottle merchant shame :police:
     
    #33
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jul 25, 2013
  14. Mick

    Mick Probably won't answer PMs Staff Member

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    Well I am beelin a wee bit that I didn't get the gig, as he was my best man - but he gave it to his only brother, because apparently that's what you have to do.
     
    #34
    Mick, Jul 25, 2013
  15. Dorty Dogbreath

    Dorty Dogbreath keeper of the glow

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    Are you beelin enough not to go to the wedding Mick? Drop 'em both in it and go on the last instead :1980_boogie_down:
     
    #35
    Dorty Dogbreath, Jul 25, 2013
  16. RebelBhoy

    RebelBhoy Moderator Staff Member

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    Stephen Roche won the tour on 26 July 1987....


    Think of some get on yer bike joke.
     
    #36
    RebelBhoy, Jul 25, 2013
  17. Erik

    Erik Well-Known Member

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    Let's hope she doesn't die a slow and painful death before the big day then <ok>
     
    #37
    Erik, Jul 25, 2013
  18. Magic Laudrup 11

    Magic Laudrup 11 Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    <laugh> indeed, let's hope not
     
    #38
    Magic Laudrup 11, Jul 25, 2013
  19. Erik

    Erik Well-Known Member

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    You could always bring her out in a wheelbarrow. Limbs dangling over the side as your brother desperately tries to stay out of reach of her rotting corpse whilst doing his speech <laugh>
     
    #39
    Erik, Jul 25, 2013
  20. Jip Jaap Stam

    Jip Jaap Stam General Chat Moderator Staff Member

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    Hang on a minute. What in the blue fuck is a "groomsman"?
     
    #40
    Jip Jaap Stam, Jul 25, 2013
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