Kinnear Coming Home...

I thought the club couldn't surprise me any more. How naive I was to again totally underestimate the dastardly cunning of fat Mike's wicked humour. You'd think I'd have learned by now.

 

Relegation odds with PP.

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Even with our troubles the Bookies think the Mackems are more than twice as likely to go down lol.

May pop a daft score on us at 14/1 though. Just for insurance.

 

SPLITTER! You sir are a disgraceful excuse for a Toon fan.












Any chance you can stick a tenner on for me while you're there mate?

 

Still haven't paid me for the bet I put on for you 10 years ago.

 

You already owe me a tenner from when you got 8's on us to go down last season.

 

I think I only check sports news these days to see if we've stopped becoming a laughing stock yet...

Won't be stopping any time soon, I think.

 

Nope. Even OXO are bringing out a Toon range of laughing stock

 

brill jimmy

 

Errr, ask ACS. He said he'd pay it for me.

Errr, ask AB. He said he'd pay it for me.

 

That sounds fair.

 

I don't know if anyone has heard Kinnear's interview tonight on talksport. He's at it again and mentions 'lambeezy', ben affrey' yohan cabat' and the fabled 'amabeobi's'

Fills me with great hope for the upcoming season. Anyway here's the link if you can be arsed to listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuAVjLpU9cU&feature=youtu.be

 

Think most of us have already heard more of the stupid old buffoon than we want to hear.

 

In keeping with the conspiracy theories and coupled with the deafening silence coming out of NUFC. Here's my take on this whole bizarre scenario - obviously I am using a fair bit of creative license:

Mike Ashley decided that he couldn't face the bill or the embarrassment if he were to dismiss Pardew. Realising this, he remembered a gentleman's agreement he made with Joe Kinnear, that he would give him a job again one day, once his health was better.

Mike calls up Joe and says: "Look Joe. I promised you a job and now is the time." JFK: "OK Mikey boy! You want me to finish the job I started?". Mike: "Uh, sort of. Just say you'll take it and I'll sort you out". JFK: "OK you fat **** - but you better promise I don't have to shag any of those fat geordie birds in front of you again!". Mike: "Not this time Joe, I promise. I want you to phone up Sky Sports and tell them you've just been appointed Director of Football and that you'll have full control of the purchase and sale of players." JFK: "JESUS Mikey!! That's ****ing amazing! You obviously remember I'm a right diamond geezer and how I know every****ing thing about Football!" Mike: "Yeah, sure - that's it! Anyway, just make sure you phone Sky Sports News right away." JFK: "Right-o Mikey boy - I'm gonna blow those ****ing ****s right outta the ****ing water!! They'll never knew what hit them. I'm gonna.." Mike "Just just up and get on it with it Joe!". End of conversation.

Mike receives a call from Del: "Have you done it yet, Mikey?" Mike: "It's done. Pardew's gonna go nuts! That jumped up little **** will rue the day he criticised Mike Ashley!" Del: "Nice one guv. How long do you reckon til Pards jacks it in?" Mike: "I give it til Wednesday" Del: "Perfect! And Joe has no idea?" Mike: "No, and neither do any of our press officers. I'll cut Joe a cheque for £50k and he'll go back to kerb crawling in Streatham by the end of the week." Del "So, we'll have Pardew out the door, with no compensation, clearing the path for Wisey to come back as Manager?! Mike, you've really outdone yourself this time! I think we should celebrate with a couple of Chinese hookers and a toothless spade." Mike "OK Del, but you're buying this time!"

At least that's the way I see it...

 

So many Kinnear threads on the board we'll have to start merging them.

 

Showmi Yamobile because I wanna order a Yohan Kebab.

Might call a taxi for Ben Afree while I'm at it.

Still, at least Lambeezi's resigned as Director of Football...

 

He has at least said he won't sell Cabaye, despite interest from Monaco.

Go on Joe, tell them to get stuffed (in your own special way).

 

Astounding decision. Surely forcing Pardew out of the club. He is pants but better thank JK. Jesus.

 

'I tell you what, I have way more intelligence than them fans......'

Utterly successful with that charm offensive Joe.

'We still have James Perch & Ryan Taylor....'

Okaaaaaaaay.

'Cabat, Ben Afre, Amanobi, Lambeeeezy'

4 new signings already, good work Joe.

He might wanna remember Lambeezy probably has the power to sack him. Lambeezy is a legend. Erm, Llambias sorry, it's catching...

 

No he didn't, he said he's not selling Cabat, Cabaye is a goner...

****ing hell lads, I feel your woe on this one, an utter embarrassment.