What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Rape What's blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with burst water wings What's black, and sits at the top of the stairs smoking? A cripple in a housefire What do you do if there's an epileptic having afit in your bath? Throw in the washing David Beckham phones Michael Jackson and asks if he wants to come on holiday. Jackson replies by saying he always wanted to come on Cruise. Just spoken to a pub landlord out in Sri Lanka, he said, things are getting much better now, as his old customers are starting to drift back in What's the difference between giving a woman oral sex and an Indian wedding? You only have to kiss one smelly c'nt giving oral... Q: Why is anal sex better then normal sex? A: It's warm, it's tight and more degrading to women. Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl? A : Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. Q: What's blue and ****s old people? A: Hypothermia. Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter? A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her . Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. Q: What is the definition of "making love"? A: Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her. Q: Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape? A: So it doesn't explode when you f**k it. Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common? A: They don't ****ing listen. Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts? A: Gonorrhoea. Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? A: Drowns. Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why did God create yeast infections? A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating c**t once in a while too.
Sometimes I wonder... will MOD ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realise... MOD left this place a long time ago!
Just been to the Doctors to get my results back about a lump I have. He said, "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" I said, "The good news." He said, "I really think you'd look good in a bandana."
I watched intently as the 'other' woman slowly peeled off my girlfriends panties, and stared closely as she delicately inserted her fingers into my girlfriends soaking wet pussy. Naturally, I stripped off and started ****ing myself while keeping them both in my stare....... Midwives eh!... Got no ****ing sense of humour at all!!
dougie urs wer good too pud its just av heard them all. apart from the ethiopian blow job, that was good
I shagged a bird down Aberdeen harbour when I was home. Told my mate about it he said "Hope you used protection", I said "Aye, a balaclava"
whats 14 inches long and makes a woman scream in the morning? cot death. i was sucking off my new thia bride the othe day and i thought to myself, "hang on a ****ing minute!" a mother asks her some "what do you want to be when you grow up Harvey?" "i want to be a teacher when i grow up!" jordan replies "dont be stupid Harvey you cant even keep your own pupils under control" thank you, good night.
