50 Shades Of Pardlington Grey...

To get the Tash-juices flowing, how about a semi-erotic story (/general, non-erotic story... boooo) starring our favourite manager and manly man, Alan Pardew... You know how it works, replace the insert word/s with other words to make a story or some lovely ramblings!

Alan <insert word/s> over to the <insert word/s>. Before him was <insert word/s> and this made him slightly wet around the mouth. He ran a finger up <insert word/s>, hoping desperately that <insert word/s>, which made him slightly tense and quiver with anticipation. Unfortunately for Alan, his <insert word/s> and this dampened his excitement.

Having <insert word/s> and <insert word/s> in a bin, he slowly made his way to <insert word/s> and listened for <insert word/s>, but there was nothing. Instead he chucked on a <insert word/s> and traversed <insert word/s> looking for <insert word/s>. Whilst in <insert word/s>, he bumped into <insert word/s> and you could make out a flicker of <insert word/s> in his eyes. Next moment, he was ready to <insert word/s>, but refrained because <insert word/s>. Thus ends another <insert word/s> day in this sexy manager's story.


Challenge: Medium
Gandalf Points: Awarded without impartiality and on merit with equal veracity

 

Going to be a lot of *********'s in that.

 

You need to get a life!

 

I've had two actually... See unlike some bearded guardians I can actually come back to life properly

 

I love doing these...

Alan sauntered seductively over to the sweaty, muscley and naked Lithuanian body builder asylum seeker. Before him was the most horrific example of steroid enduced masculinity he'd ever seen in a twelve year old girl and this made him slightly wet around the mouth. He ran a finger up the phallus-shaped lampshade he kept in the corner of his bedroom, hoping desperately that Derek and Mike hadn't left it covered inj vaseline like last time, which made him slightly tense and quiver with anticipation. Unfortunately for Alan, his left ball was hanging out of his Jonas/Borat-esque mankini and this dampened his excitement.

Having slathered himself in pork pie meat and thrown his pet aardvark in a bin, he slowly made his way to pull off his very tight and rather unflattering loin coverer and listened for the flump as his saggy balls flopped onto the floor, but there was nothing. Instead he chucked on a mini-skirt, tank top and massive fake tits and traversed the city looking for whoever was going to take "Ellen, for that was now his name, all the way tonight. Whilst in James Perch's gigantic shrine to drumstick lollies and those little magnet things which go NOOOOIINNGGG when you put them together, he bumped into a hairy, 19ft high, carbon fibre shafted totem pole and you could make out a flicker of desire to put it places which normally only Mrs Pardew, the girls from the bar in Thailand and whichever under-performing player wanted to play the next week would put it in his eyes. Next moment, he was ready to tear off the few clothes he had covering his 36DD chest and scream like he was a hideous love-child of Godzilla and George of the Jungle, but refrained because he did not want to offend Dave Whelan by copying his act. Thus ends another entirely normal, terribly erotic and slightly disturbing (not to mention almost certainly fuelled by WKD) day in this sexy manager's story.

DG

 

Awww, now that's just mean! That really hurts, Gandalf. That hurts deep. And I though we were friends.

 

Alan tangoed over to the CD player which had the tango music playing on it. Before him was the fiercest tango competition the world had ever seen, with over 300 of the worlds most latin and seductive tangoers known to mankind and this made him slightly wet around the mouth. He ran a finger up and down his tactics sheet to find precise instruction on how to successfully complete the tricky and technical ganchos, hoping desperately that his diligent reading of previous tangos, particularly around the 60th to 70th minute in dances, would pay off here. Unfortunately he discovered the note simply reading "lob to Williamson", the one and only occasion where this strategy was completely useless, which made him slightly tense and quiver with anticipation. Unfortunately for Alan, his reliance on his 3rd or 4th choice tango partner was badly effecting his confidence and this dampened his excitement.

Having nervously hurled and menstrated in a bin, he slowly made his way to the floor, the arena of this most powerful artform and listened for the gentle rhythm of the castanets, but there was nothing. Instead he chucked on a nearby police horse and rowdy local and traversed the wooden panels readying himself for the tango of his life looking for his soul's salvation and one true purpose in life, before giving the local the sexual headbob that can only say "let's do this s***".. and the percussion began. Whilst in mid-contragiros, he bumped into a curly haired goddess dancing frivolously with his moustachioed and ponytailed lady friend, singing songs of Lorenzo (presumably some ex-boyfriend) and you could make out a flicker of unrelenting desire in his eyes. Next moment, he was ready to tango over and erotically suggest a three-way with the vigorous movement of his hips, and the macho prowess of his quebradas, but refrained because he realised it was Coloccini and Jonas, and it said in his contract he wasn't to tango suggestively anywhere near them. Thus ends another uneventful day in this sexy manager's story.

 

Very good... Spunking some Gandalf points your way

 

will need to give this some thought

 

Best I can do at this time of night:

Alan sheepishly sidled over to the ice-cream van.

Before him was the most beautifully formed vision of loveliness he had ever seen and this made him slightly wet around the mouth.

He ran a finger up the lushous menu displayed before him, hoping desperately that his mounting excitement was hidden from the view of the watching paparazzi, which made him slightly tense and quiver with anticipation.

Unfortunately for Alan, he was suddenly reminded of his recent salacious & embarrassing revelations in the tabloid press and this dampened his excitement.

Having removed all the covering and thrown it in a bin, he slowly made his way to nearby park, licking his now sticky fingers as the juice flowed down them and listened for the give-away sounds of footsteps, but there was nothing.

Instead he chuckled about a passing erotic image that plagued his mind these days and traversed that oh so familiar bridge looking for the object of his desire.

Whilst hidden from sight, an eye-catching, red bush caught his attention, he bumped into a Toon fan renowned for his interest & devotion to such beautiful specimens of nature and you could make out a flicker of shared pleasure in his eyes.

Next moment, he was ready to spring into action & explore the feast that was laid before him, but refrained because he was suddenly aware that a video camera was already recording the action of the aforementioned Toon fan.

Thus ends another ineffectual & frustrating day in this sexy manager's story

 

Looks like you've played this game before Minxy, or is that from personal experience?

 

Loving those Maestro and Minxy... Gandalf points heading your way!

Current accumulative list of all known Gandalf Points:
Jimiley 10,987 GP
Minxy 8 GP
DG 1.73 GP
Maestro 0.999999999976 GP
Agent Bruce 0 GP
LTF -2 GP
Obi Wan -10 GP
ACS -1500 GP
GLitF -45,000 GP

The latter massive minuses are because of the coup to replace Gandalf Points with something more tangible... What is rep anyway?

 

I have to agree with you on this one M ..... your story was brilliant & deserved so much more