http://www.buzzfeed.com/samjparker/football-rules-when-youre-a-kid 1. Setting up the goal. please log in to view this image 1. Posts Can be made of anything, preferably clothing or school bags. When the ball comes into contact with the post, a consensus must be reached on whether it was a goal, wide or 'in off' [the post]. 2. Cross bar The exact height varies from goal to goal, decided on a case by case basis. Whether the goalie could have conceivably reached the shot is a useful guideline. 2. Picking teams. There are two common methods for picking the sides. 1. Captains The owner of the ball and the best player take turns picking until the worst player is left (feeling a bit like they want to cry). 2. Picking numbers One player to turn their back while the others are allocated numbers which are then used to randomly* assign teams. *cheating via coughs, nods or hidden hand gestures is rife in the game. 3. Who you're going to 'be'. Each player must pick a professional to channel for the course of the game. 4. New ball rule. A new ball cannot be played - or even bounced - on concrete for a minimum of two weeks when first purchased (to hold off this happening for as long as possible). 5. Commentary. Any player is entitled to give a running commentary on their own performance, usually when on a solo dribble. E.g. He takes on one, he takes on two, he shoots! - Ooooooh, it's just wide! 6. Wembley Singles / Doubles When there are not enough players to make up two teams, individuals or pairs play against each other shooting at one goal. As always, the worst player goes in nets. 7. Headers and Volleys. A game of advanced technique that involves keeping the ball within set parameters using only a header or a volley (one player at a time). Rules can be softened to allow half-volleys. 8. Spot / Donkey / other Subject to regional varieties, each player is given a letter as a penalty for failing in the aims of game (often involving hitting a specific tree or wall). Once 'donkey' (e.g.) has been reached, that player is out (and a donkey). 9. Rush keeper / First man back. When everyone refuses to play in nets, there are two options. 1. Rush keeper Enables goalies to switch temporarily to an outfield position during the match, including going on solo runs and scoring goals. 2. First man back Dictates that any outfield play can become the goalkeeper, depending on who gets back to the goal first when defending an attack. 10. No goal mooching / blasting. Further safe guards for nervous 'keepers can be enforced. 1. No mooching / poaching A crude variation of the offside rule, this is to prevent lazy players or 'glory hunters' from hanging around the opposition goal waiting for a Lineker-style tap in. 2. No blasting This rule prevents anyone from kicking the ball with excessive force within a few feet of the goalmouth. 11. Play on. please log in to view this image A free pass to continue playing even when the ball's been kicked out, usually evoked by goalkeepers who can't be bothered to retrieve the ball. 12. Break in play. The game is only paused when the ball is accidentally kicked into a garden or under a car. 13. Getting the ball back. please log in to view this image If the ball does accidentally go into a stranger's garden, asking for it back requires two players - the one who kicked it over in the first place and a loyal friend. 14. Communication. please log in to view this image In a fast-paced game, abbreviated instructions are essential. 15. please log in to view this image 'Next goal the winner' means the next team to score wins, and is almost always evoked at the end of a game by the side losing 9-2. 16. If a randomer asks to play... please log in to view this image 17. Alternative balls. please log in to view this image Tennis balls, basket balls and empty cans or bottles are acceptable alternatives when a proper football is not available. 18. End of match. please log in to view this image The game only ends when either: 1. It's too dark to see 2. Everyone is too tired to continue, or 3. The owner of the ball gets upset and goes home. please log in to view this image 19. No ref. No referee - or other adult - is required to enforce the above rules. After all, you're all mates, no matter what the final score.
Our games tended to end when our ould ones called us in but I do remember in the height of summer still playing when pub closed(closed at ten and strict on a Sunday).Another game we played was Squash,same rules as said game,used to play against a sub station and ball hit hinge on door would fly at an acute angle and tough to get back
"Get rid of it!" "Take his effing legs away" "don't worry if he gets the ball - he's rubbish" That last one was usually aimed at me
most memorable from those days was the burning sense of injustice when you knew, just knew, that you had scored a goal but some lying cheating bastard on the other team barefaced and unashamedly lied that the ball had went on the other side of the jumper..............I`m still mad
indeed - or if you werer about to take a penalty and some diodgy little sod in your team nipped in first to steal the glory.
There's a cracking one called "Playground Football" done by a Scottish author called Christopher Brookmyre - http://www.brookmyre.co.uk/extras/short-stories/playground-football/ It's quite long, but well worth a read. Some of my favourite quotes: "In games on large open spaces, the length of the pitch is obviously denoted by the jacket piles, but the width is a variable. In the absence of roads, water hazards or âa big dugâ, the width is determined by how far out the attacking winger has to meander before the pursuing defender gets fed up and lets him head back towards where the rest of the players are waiting, often as far as quarter of a mile away. It is often observed that the playing area is ânoâ a full-size pitchâ. This can be invoked verbally to justify placing a wall of players eighteen inches from the ball at direct free kicks. It is the formal response to âyardsâ, which the kick-taker will incant meaninglessly as he places the ball." "Celebration Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces."
Brookmyre's brilliant. Read "A tale etched in blood and hard balck pencil". Anyone who went to a catholic school in the 70s and 80s will relate to it immediately. But there's a brillaint set piece in it about a lunch time football match - he captured it perfectly.
The main problem with jumpers for goalposts was with higher shots. Anything over shoulder height and the defending team would claim it was over the imaginary bar
Do you remember when you managed to beat a few players and it was just you with a empty goal,you would then get down on your hunkers and head the ball across the line
