Has been sneaking into our office car park and having a **** - at the side of an entrance that I have to bypass several times every work day no less. He has done this twice now, both times on a Saturday night, presumably when he is pished. The first time he left his boxer shorts behind after he used them to wipe his arse. This time, however, he did not leave his boxer shorts and after finishing his dirty deed he managed to drop a bunch of keys while making his escape. (These keys have a picture of his kids attached, the children of a public deficationist - who in the early hours of Sunday morning has woken them up banging the front door with a **** covered arse.) Anyway among this bunch of keys is a car key, which is a fairly important key, so a member of our staff has just contacted the police telling them we have found these keys and we would hold them if anyone wants to come in and claim them. It is a bit of a long shot, but if this person was to come forward to claim his lost keys, how does one politely ask another to refrain from ****ting in one's car park?
Still hard to prove he was the one who took the ****, unless you have CCTV. It is quite possible that more than 1 person has popped round there for a piss or in 1 persons case a ****
Oh and stick a notice in the office window to attract the dumper....."Keys found, ask inside" Dont mention the boxers though.
I'm pretty sure it would be defecator rather than defecationist. ive him a break. Who hasn't shat in a public place and wiped their arse on their boxers ffs?
Bit of a longshot but,click the car door release button near any matching brands and if you get lucky open the car and **** in drivers seat, if it has sat nav enter HOME and go to the culprits house. Open the front door and **** on the sofa, go upstairs and shoot your muck over the wifes knickers and wipe your arse on the bedroon curtains.... This will end the phantom dumpers little game.
Surely it should be "****eist" then Mick? We are all adults here (Mostly) so let's use the common terminology when describing this heinous affront to human decency and polite society.
bit faecist this thread-- a car park is hardly the worst place to cable-lay, give it time the slugs will sort out.
Put the keys in a box with the crap on top of them. Explain that you found them but some toss pot had come along and **** on them!
Dear oh dear, the defecator in the OP is a rank ****in amateur. It's idiots like him that give our noble pastime a bad name.
