My local shop ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather. Thank goodness I have such thoughtful neighbours. My elderly neighbour Mary - bless her! - had plenty stacked up on her doorstep.
To honest, I can't remember, I was at work, picked out a page at random [as I have done in the past] and it got me thinking. It wasn't a slant on you by any means, we were talking about jt at work earlier on [i'm surrounded by them] and all I said was "that halibut was good enough for Jehovah" It was that random.
The first testicular guard (âboxâ) was used in cricket in 1874 And the first helmet was used in 1974. So, it took 100 years for men to realise that their brains could also be important....
10 Husbands and still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband 2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband 3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband 4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband 5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband 6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband 7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband 8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband 9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband 10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
A man goes to his Doctor to receive some test results. The Doctor sits him down and says "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this but the results are not good. Not good at all, I'm afraid Sir that you don't have long to live" "Oh my God!" says the man "How long is not long Doc" The Doctor says "About 10.." "What?!! Months or weeks?!" "9, 8, 7, 6........"
The vatican has said the pope hasn't the energy to carry on. Fair enough. At his age it must be hard holding down a ten year old.
Transfer shocker: Just been announced that the pope is leaving Vatican City and joining their deadly rivals Vatican United..
The former pontiff had a promising musical career but it was decided that it would be prudent for him to cut that particular career short after being overheard saying to an accompanist ' give me A minor'.
Surely Oscar Pistorious cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
A Swansea man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Cherrie Blair of all people. A few days later he told Cherrie of their ritual of watching the sunset from the beach, Cherrie said she would love to go with them, so the man brought Cherrie to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Cherrie and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Cherrie batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
