Dais sprint onto the pitch left him gasping for air. He hadn’t run that fast in the last decade. He had time to gather his breath when the teams lined up for the national anthems, but couldn’t manage any words. The game started at a fast pace and Dai knew he had to do something drastic. Bradford had a corner and Dai was marking the Bradford number nine. Dai grabbed him by the balls “listen sonny” he said “I’ve been playing since twenty years before you were born. Now do yourself a favour, if you come near this box again I’ll break your ****ing legs” The ball came across and Ash headed out and play moved up to the half way line to where the Bradford centre forward had retreated. “I’ve sorted him” thought Dai. Not a chance. The Bradford lad controlled the ball, rounded Britton, brushed off Ki, nutmegged Dai and slammed it past Tremmel. SWANSEA CITY 0 BRADFORD CITY 1 “You useless ****er” shouted Dill, still pissed “Get him off!” Dill needed a slash, but didn’t want to miss any action, so he used a bottle of pale ale he had recently emptied, screwed the top on and put it back in his bag. On the pitch something had to change quickly and Dai knew it. He rushed over to Ash and took the captains armband off him. “Right then lads, this is what we are going to do” he shouted “back to short triangles, just as Brendan told us. If that doesn’t work just hoof the ****er”. Things settled down and at half time the score remained 1-0 to the Bantams, with the Swans fans starting to get frustrated. The players strolled into the changing rooms where Laudrup was waiting for them. “You give the players a cup of tea Mike ‘cos I’m giving the team talk” said Dai. “Right” said Dai “I’ve been cleaning the Northbank for over 40 years and know more about football than all you useless tossers put together. Now there’s 40,000 Jacks out there who have never seen us lift a trophy – get out there and do it for them or I’ll set FFS on you when we get home” The half time whistle went and the Swans roared into action. Five corners in the first ten minutes was a sign of the Swans growing superiority and in the 57th minute it finally told. Britton slipped a ball through for Hernandez who’s delicate chip was headed in by Ki to secure his first Swans goal. SWANSEA CITY 1 BRADFORD CITY 1 The onus was now with the Swans. Attack after attack was made and the Bradford defence was under siege, but still no goals came. 90 minutes came and the board went up – 3 minutes to go. The crowd had settled for extra time. But not Nathan Dyer. He set off on a mazy run down the right and forced a corner in front of the Swans fans. Ben Davies was to take it. Laudrup leapt to his feet for the first time “Dai, get up there”. A hundred metres is a long way when your of a certain age, and Dai could barely see that far, never mind run it. He tried his best and broke into a slow shuffle to get up the other end. Two minutes of the three had gone. The cross came over and what happened next appeared to be in slow motion. Dai leapt above the Bradford defence, stayed there and hit a thumping header into the back of the net. John Charles would have been proud of that. SWANSEA CITY 2 BRADFORD CITY 1. There was no fancy dancing in front of the fans. Dai was old school. He headed straight back to the half way line where, thankfully the ref blew for full time. There was a short period before the trophies were presented and there was a bit of wrangling as to who would pick up the trophy, Monk or Ash. “You can both **** off” said Dai “I’m the Swans number one fan so I’m picking up the trophy”. No one argued so thats what happened. Dai climbed the steps and picked the trophy, hoisting it above his head to show the 40,000 jubilant Jacks. As he walked along the balcony Huw Jenkins and Martin Morgan went to congratulate him “You two can **** off as well, if you hadn’t sold Danny Graham to Sunderland we would have won 8-1 today!” They didn’t argue. Dai led the team on the lap of honour. The crowd were belting out Hymns and Arias and Dai could see Dill, STID, Ivor and the rest of the 606 crew. “Dai, Dai” they shouted “over here”, He climbed over the barrier and was lifted onto the shoulders of the 606 boys and carried out of the stadium with the trophy and onto the bus. The bus left Wembley with thousands of Swans fans cheering and trying to get a glimpse of the trophy. But all they saw was SA9 reading his glossy mags and the cards school just about to deal another hand. Someone lobbed a large crate of champagne on to the bus and that sparked wild celebrations. The Thai Girls re-appeared, apparently after spending the afternoon with a Tory Cabinet Minister and everyone was back on the bus. Max started singing a few ballads and we headed west back down the M4. With Dill still pissed, Ivor was in charge of the bus. His conscious got the better of him and he decided to call into Reading to pick up John Hughes. The bus stopped outside the hospital, which was just a short stroll from The Blue Oyster Club, so everyone took the chance to have a quick ‘Cham and a dance. “Next stop, Cardiff Airport” shouted Ivor “We got there about 9pm and said our farewells to Thai Canary, the Thai Girls and Musty. Lauds Gendros Jack decided he wasn’t ready to go back to Western Australia, he fancied a week at home, so he joined the rest of the Jacks for a pint of Daaaaaark and a Claaaaaaarks pie with the rest of the crew. Back on the bus, with the next stop Cardiff Gate services. The Cardiff boys had been good fun. “No hard feelings about the tattoo on my forehead” said Dill as he gave Aber a bottle of pale ale from his bag. “Wheres Hughes?” said Sussex. Ivor coughed loudly before owning up. Laud Gendros Jack didn’t want to go back home, there was a spare ticket so I put him on the plane” said Ivor. “Where to?” said Sussex “Western Australia” There was a huge roar of approval from the Jacks. The Cardiff boys laughed as they got off the bus and Aber took a large swig from the bottle Dill had given him. Max Boyce saw what had gone on and burst in to rhyme “Dill sympathised with the Cardiff boys, whose team are doomed to fail, So he gave them that old bottle aye, which once held bitter ale And we were singing.........” It was full speed ahead. Max was dropped off at Briton Ferry with the Port Talbot boys and the bus finally pulled up at The Liberty. Terror finally defeated Ivor in Subbutteo after a dramatic penalty shoot out. Everyone said their farewells and promised to meet up for the Final next year. Knackered and Phil buried the hatchet and went for a beer in Franky & Bennies. Dai wandered off into the darkness with the Capital One Cup under his arm. Dill decided he could do with another pint so he headed towards Wind Street. As he approached one of the side alleys he noticed a partially clothed woman. “She beckoned Dill from a doorway dark, Damn it was getting far too late But Dill knew what she wanted aye His photo of Daiswan Huwsmate And she started singing, hymns and arias, land of my fathers, ar hyd a nos” ............................................................... “Dai, Dai, wake up” No answer. “David, WAKE UP!” Dai stirred. “What day is it?” he said “It’s Sunday. You are going to Wembley to see the Swans. You’ve been sleeping the best part of two days. You must have been dreaming. You’ve been shouting, cheering singing and even shouted “GOAL” at one point. Anyway, hurry up, the bus is waiting for you outside” “Are my clothes ironed?” said Dai “No” “You know what” said Dai “I think I’ll just wear my full Swans kit” THE END.
And the Oscar goes to ........................ PGF Take a bow mate take a now Fantastic and thanks for entertaining us
Is there any way we can get parts 1-5 together and put it on with a sticky. It's like Gavin and Stacy - really disappointed that it's come to the end so I'd like to go back and read it every now and then
Yes!! this is what it's all about Swans fans enjoying the moment PGF do you do this for a living - it really is excellent ....
With a special invite to the Thai Girls............. I wonder if Hughes will have got back, or will he have found love in The Blue Oyster Club, Fremantle...
