Alex ferguson, Arsene Wenger and Rafa go to heaven. The three of them are sent to the pearly gates of heaven where they have to give a 5 minute talk on why St Peter should support their club. Arsene Wenger starts off first and in the end St Peter praises him and says, "By the way, did you remember that time when Eduardo so blatantly and obviously dived in that game? " Wenger replies, "I cannot say. Maybe, possibly, I don't know but I didn't see it. " This ****** St Peter of a bit, so he sends Arsene back to earth. Rafa has his turn, sits down and places a big sealed portfolio with files inside it. He gives St Peter a 5 minute talk on why Liverpool FC is the best club in the world and why he should support them. St Peter interrupts him at 4:50 seconds and asks, "But how can you be so sure Liverpool FC are the best club of the three to support? Rafa simply says, "St Peter, I'm simply stating the facts. " St Peter doesn't like the tone of Rafa's voice, and turns to Ferguson to which Feguson replies 5 minutes is that all your giving me ita a F*cking disgrace.... " _____________________________________________________________________________________________ The pope is walking along the beach in Australia and sees a man in a man united shirt being attacked by a great white shark. As the man is savagely attacked by the killer shark, two liverpool fans rush from the shore into the sea and club the shark to death. The pope is astounded by this act of bravery. "Never have I seen such bravery and dis-regard for ones own safety between adversaries. This restores my faith in mankind". The liverpool fans turn to each other and one says "Who's that? ". The other replies "Dont know, but he knows fook all about shark fishing. Get some more bait, this one's dead". ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Manchester united's dressing room minutes before kick off in the derby; "Right I want 110% effort from the word go against this blue s*it. Remember the ba*tards did us on the anniversary of Munich. If you don't win, those cockney fu*kers at Chelsea will have 6 points on us. Now I don't care if you kick, punch or head-butt your way to victory, you must win this. Good luck. " Then Sir Alex walks in and says, "Thanks ref, I'll take it from here. " ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Man united have signed a new striker from Nigeria. On his first day of training, Fergie picked up the ball and said 'ball' then pointed at the goal and said 'Goal. Then he demonstrated a kicking motion and said 'Kick' understand, 'Kick ball, goal, goooooaaaalll!' Eventually the young African plucks up courage to say "Excuse me Mr Ferguson but I speak very good English", to which Fergie replies ' Sit down son, I'm talking to Berbatov. '
It's not football but: "New evidence suggests oscar pistorius was drunk at the time of the shooting....apparently he was leg-less"
Dj - there's a better new kid on the block than Leeds mate. Bristol City by a mile...... The wurzels are steaming at me - I think I'm about to get banned over there - look at their stadium thread. http://www.not606.com/showthread.php/196486-Possible-Gate-re-development You couldn't want better entertainment than that on here - they're bloody hilarious!!
Unashamedly lifted from Caldicot Cider Red on the Wurzels' site: - .....my loving wife sent me this text. I know you are down in the dumps with your teams last 2 results, but remember this.... If you are crying, send me a tear...... If you are happy, send me a smile..... If you are laughing, send me a laugh..... If you are drinking, send me sip..... If you are lonely, send me a cuddle..... So I texted back... I am having a **** love, what do want? Absolute classic!!! JohnGalleyFan2 followed up with: - At least your wife is caring and thoughtful I was having a piss and had to take the washing up out of the sink first. It's like the Merthyr boy that was always very clean after having sex. Never failed to wipe his dick in the curtains.
