My palâs wife, being the romantic sort, just sent him an sms ............. âIf you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you xxxâ He replied ........"I am having a ****. What should I do?"
No pal, I have actually started a few, I just go through phases of starting lots of ****e threads, then don't start any for weeks. I am just bored and I'm not going out to watch the tarriers get pumped for another hour or so.
Never heard it in my life before, just got it sent to me now, admittedly it was my 12 year old nephew that sent me it though, which may explain a few things.
I take it this is another ****e one that every **** has heard? In fact, I think I've heard it as well. Sex On Mars The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after Accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, How they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen. The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.' A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for The night and experience one another... Maureen and the male Martian go Off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, Weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. 'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen... 'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?' 'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!' 'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite Impressively long. 'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.' 'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his Member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely Exciting to the woman. 'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their Separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any Good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?' 'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache ... She kept Slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.
What kind of kinkyness? I probably wouldn't let anybody **** in my mouth, if that is what you are asking, you mucky wee rascal!
****ing Valentine's Day and ****ing romance - women who spend most of the year acting like ****s to their husbands expect to be treated like the queen of Sheba; blokes who batter the poor cow to pieces through the year think they're the greatest partner in the world because they send her a poxy ****ing card and flowers and you can't get a table in a restaurant because all these lovey dovey cock sockets are out proposing to each other or trying to get laid. What kind of **** propposes in public and gets everyone to witness it - i donlt want to know about your ****ing life sunshine so donlt presume to impose it on me. Cuuuuuuunnnnnnntttttttttsssssssss
http://www.itv.com/news/london/story/2013-02-12/romford-is-uks-love-capital/ What the ****????????????????
No real surprise, buy an Essex girl a rose= guaranteed leg over. Buy her a drink & she'll let you do her up the arse and come in her mouth
For Anne Gregory 'NEVER shall a young man, Thrown into despair By those great honey-coloured Ramparts at your ear, Love you for yourself alone And not your yellow hair.' 'But I can get a hair-dye And set such colour there, Brown, or black, or carrot, That young men in despair May love me for myself alone And not my yellow hair.' 'I heard an old religious man But yesternight declare That he had found a text to prove That only God, my dear, Could love you for yourself alone And not your yellow hair.' William Butler Yeats TOO woo the ladies
